Jokes Quotes · Page 46

I heard NASA wanted to invade your thigh gap. There was a lot of space between them thighs

— Ramandeep Singh

In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

— Frank Dane

A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

— Daniel Tosh

I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like to respond with jokes and to keep it as light as possible.

— Margaret Cho

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

— Doug Larson

My dad often jokes that I enjoy attention. But then who doesn't.

— Priyamani

I was an athlete growing up and I miss that. I miss hanging out with dudes and making raunchy jokes and telling…

— Chris Pratt

Girl:How Much Do you Love me? Boy: My heart is a mobile and u r its SIM. Girl:Ooh God... I m Soo…

— DEV

Being anti-war in Hollywood was an act of bravery on the order of the keynote speaker at a PLO dinner making jokes…

— Ann Coulter

The government passed more laws to protect women from dirty jokes than to protect men from death by faulty rafters at a…

— Warren Farrell

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it…

— John Oliver

I did many other things before I ever got into the movies. I've been in so many businesses, it's a joke. All…

— Sean Connery

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead…

— George Bernard Shaw

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why three? Husband: 1 For…

— Vinesh

The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones…

— Jerry Seinfeld

We each get fifteen minutes before the Gamemakers to amaze them with our skills, but I don't know what any of us…

— Suzanne Collins

I need to make an okay living. The people who work for us need to. But after you make a comfortable living,…

— Craig Newmark

Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you…

— Gilbert Gottfried

Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of…

— George Eliot

Europeans hate the way Americans talk. They think we're loud and uncouth and they don't like our jokes, except for Michael Moore.…

— Denis Boyles

White men have screwed this country up! I would like a black, female…. everything all rolled into one.I want something different. I…

— Denis Leary

I feel that after all those horrible reviews and jokes, I wasn't crazy all these years to stand up for the music…

— Barry Manilow

Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.

— David Spade

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

— Jack Benny

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

— Ron White

It was a joke, okay? If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn't have written it!

— Marc Andreessen

“All I have is me, myself and I and we are all getting really tired of each other.”

— Carl White

If you think sex is a big pain in the ass, try different position.

— Anonymous

My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

— Amy Schumer

Even if you have dark skin. Don't be sad. 'Coz is hurts more to be skinless.

— Sharlene05

Hour-long TV is no joke. It tests you as a human being. It makes you a stronger person, but it's really crazy.

— Rebecca Romijn

I had mostly been writing humor books, and my instinct is generally to go for the joke.

— Jory John

“others swapped lewd jokes and fictitious tales of several kinds of booty scored.”

— Hugh Howey

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.

— Jim Fowler

“Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The entire Quran is a big joke. If it was not so violent, it would be the biggest comic book ever written.

— Ali Sina