Men are more likely to be struck by lightening than women. That means no storms occur in a kitchen. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People appreciate it when you take some time to think about who will be listening to your jokes. — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
Happy Birthday! Aww, you remembered my birthday?! NO, Facebook told me. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I'd rather laugh in bed than do it. If I went to a lady of the night, I'd probably pay her to… — Billy Joel Copy Share Image
I'm not a comedian. I don't do stand-up. I don't tell jokes. I'm a comedic actor, and approach my work that way.… — Eugene Levy Copy Share Image
I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I would eat healthy but remember that 1 time Adam & eve ate an apple in the garden of Eden & doomed… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't think there would be many jokes, if there weren't constant frustration and fear and so forth. It's a response to… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
I always remember writing a page of jokes for a comedian and handing it to him backstage at a club and he… — Garry Marshall Copy Share Image
The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because… — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
Querida, it's alright," he said. "No one has hurt me in years." "Hey, you're supposed to be my brother," I said, trying… — L.A. Weatherly Copy Share Image
I do think that once a horror genre is commonly parodied in other movies it sort kills that genre or that specific… — Roy Lee Copy Share Image
We always joke now like, you know, the more experienced we get making stuff, we're like, "Never leave set without a shot… — Mark Duplass Copy Share Image
Growing up the son of a director has made me very aware of the various turns that a directing career can take.… — Jason Reitman Copy Share Image
Vegas has the Whitman's Sampler of audiences. They come from all different places, so you have to do some crowd psychology. You… — Hal Sparks Copy Share Image
Oh, I don't know. I prefer to think that when they're at home, the Silent Brothers are much like us. Playing practical… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
The stock market's handling of new technology is kind of a joke. We have seen CNBC, CNNfn, Bloomberg, and the like turn… — Mark Cuban Copy Share Image
The human animal ... is ... neither male nor female ... And if I am allowed to jest a little in passing,… — Marie de Gournay Copy Share Image
When I came back to America, I realized that world music is no joke, it really has a lot to it. — Zach Condon Copy Share Image
I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Being raised Catholic myself, I think people who are Catholic tend to carry a lot of guilt. It's almost a joke. — Linda Cardellini Copy Share Image
The one and only thing that every comic agrees on is that you do not steal jokes. — Dave Rubin Copy Share Image
I'm very much of the "make it dark, make it grim, make it tough", but then, for the love of God, tell… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
Everything serious that he says is a joke and everything humorous that he says is dead serious. — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
if you like the lovable sound of an asthma attack in your ear every time you tell a joke. — Kiera Cass Copy Share Image
Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have a great idea. Lets make a show and kill off all the main Characters.. The FOLLOWING — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I knew how to come up with jokes at someone's expense really fast. — Catherine Reitman Copy Share Image
You can't be a little bit unfaithful any more than you can be a little bit pregnant. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
