Jokes Quotes · Page 43

“He'd never been one for jokes, but of course he'd pick now to get a sense of humor.”

— Kiersten White

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

— John Oliver

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

— Fred Allen

They played a Chris Brown marathon on the radio station today. It was hit after hit.

— Anonymous

That's what my books are, now that I'm a grownup - mosaics of jokes.

— Kurt Vonnegut

Steven Wright can do Steven Wright very well. Not everyone can do Steven Wright's jokes with the same results.

— Wyatt Cenac

As for jokes, I don't think it's necessarily that what I write is funny.

— Peter David

Etc: The word that makes people think you are smarter than you really are.

— Nikhil Saluja

On Anzac Day, coffee and jokes with a Turk might be the most meaningful and fair dinkum dawn service you could possibly…

— Michael Leunig

The youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an…

— Kurt Vonnegut

If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will increase the number of people laughing by at least…

— Joe Harsel

I’ve never taken time off from being an actor. This is the kind of career I’d be so happy to do until…

— Ansel Elgort

People say, 'Oh, are you tired of the Jesus jokes yet?' I can't get tired of the Jesus jokes because this is…

— Tom Payne

I love jokes that come out of nowhere. The ones where people look at the screen and go, 'What the Hell was…

— Allen Covert

I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was…

— Marcus Brigstocke

I don't need somebody who will make me laugh. I'm looking for someone who will laugh at my jokes and make me…

— Terry Mark

That family glaze of common references, jokes, events, calamities-that sense of a family being like a kitchen midden: layer upon layer of…

— Laurie Colwin

Surprisingly, a large number of people who fell out with their partners contacted us, saying that they would love to fly on…

— Richard Branson

But television, when I was doing it, was all about scoring. You had to make these jokes bang, do whatever you could…

— Tom Hanks

I don't get the animosity when someone tells a joke that you don't like. Whereas if someone made a dish that you…

— Brad Williams

In a weird way, it's not different from any other kind of joke-telling. You make those calculations about jokes about celebrities: is…

— Michael Schur

We have come to expect campaigns to be mean and stupid and politicians to be unresponsive, self-seeking and for sale to the…

— Donella Meadows

I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I…

— Jack Handey

I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and…

— Brian Regan

Never make love in the backward…For love may be blind,but your neighbours are not!

— Simi Ngr

“He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was…

— Nikhil Saluja

“A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.”

— Groucho Marx

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.

— Nikhil Saluja

To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

— Nikhil Saluja

Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.

— Daniel Tosh

You make a joke out of everything. Life’s too painful not to.

— Richelle Mead

None of my comedy depended on looks. I never did tons of fat jokes.

— Lisa Lampanelli

If school isn't a place to sleep, then home isn't a place to study!!

— Anonymous

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to write jokes with friends. We'd pick a topic and then think out loud, brainstorm.

— Wendy Liebman

I don't do too many jokes about current affairs, because almost every comedian always does that.

— Bruce Bruce

All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it?

— John Cleese

That's the Irish all over -- they treat a joke as a serious thing and a serious thing as a joke.

— Sean O'Casey