It is much easier to write a good Times leading article than a good joke in Punch. — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Never laughing too loudly in a restaurant no matter how good the joke. — Paulo Coelho Copy Share Image
Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ever you miss me, never you cry. For a drop of tear in your eyes, is a day less in my life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it. — Bill Keller Copy Share Image
If you push your brother down the stairs, he will become your step brother. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Guy: Wanna hear a joke about my d*ck? Nvm its too long. Girl: Wanna hear a joke about my p*ssy? Nvm you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We were almost getting used to playing without fans in the Champions League. Jokes aside though, I think help from our fans… — Roberto Mancini Copy Share Image
My joke, which isn't really a joke, is that there will be one of two tours: the tour for the album that… — Richard Marx Copy Share Image
I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I… — Thom Yorke Copy Share Image
Sometimes you just create a joke out of thin air in the editing room. I'm really glad I've had that experience. It… — Ed Helms Copy Share Image
I think jokes are a perfectly viable form of literature. Some critics take issue with me because I make my points and… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
I don't do plays without jokes anymore. I've retired from those plays. I think it's bad manners to invite people to sit… — Bill Nighy Copy Share Image
Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not… — Lord Chesterfield Copy Share Image
I'm a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially… — Ronnie Wood Copy Share Image
I presume that each country will have a different response to each joke. But mostly what I've seen is that everyone has… — John Michael McDonagh Copy Share Image
In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
There is a grandeur in the uniformity of the mass. When a fashion, a dance, a song, a slogan or a joke… — Eric Hoffer Copy Share Image
“There's a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I wasn't really that good at being a musician. And then I tried being a standup. I was an actor. I was… — Garry Marshall Copy Share Image
There's that great Irish joke: a man is lost in the countryside, stops a passer-by: 'how do I get to Dublin?'. The… — Tim Crane Copy Share Image
I don't like to argue with females, I'm simply explaining why I'm right… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
The biggest risk for this generation is to have a haircut from a new salon..!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We all have been in love and all fell out of love... I rather fall in shit then fall in love again... — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
Humor is when the joke's on you but hits the other fellow first -- before it boomerangs. — Langston Hughes Copy Share Image
I loved the idea that I could write a joke and someone else would have to take the risk of performing it. — Judd Apatow Copy Share Image
People usually say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I find it's in big boobs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A professional writer is a joke. You write because you can't do anything else, and then you have another job. — Jamaica Kincaid Copy Share Image
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
On the set I make jokes I can't get too involved, or it turns into sentimental soup. I try to keep it… — Michael Haneke Copy Share Image
