Jokes Quotes · Page 47

... nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.

— Curtis Sittenfeld

I was a bit of a show-off at school. I told jokes a lot because I wanted to have friends.

— Ainsley Harriott

“They didn't have to be funny — they were father jokes.”

— Terry Pratchett

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

— Ronnie Barker

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

— Steven Wright

The insular arrogance of the English character is a commonplace joke.

— Goldwin Smith

“I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives.”

— M.J. McGuire

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

— Joan Rivers

You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a…

— Brian P. Cleary

Donald Trump was seen for quite a long time as a punchline, the jokes about the excesses and the failures of the…

— Timothy L. O'Brien

My favorite show tune has got to be Stephen Sondheim's 'I Remember Sky.' It's probably the saddest song of all time; I…

— Laura Benanti

I'm not sure how anyone with a soul can make jokes about the passing of one of the most talented artists this…

— Samantha Ronson

“Joke exchanges are carried on in deadly earnest, like a verbal duel-mouth-to-mouth combat. Bang, bang: you’re (linguistically) dead.”

— David Crystal

You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're…

— Daniel Tosh

You are so lame. You always disappoint me. It's kind of like our running joke but it's really not funny and I…

— Ani DiFranco

When you can make others laugh with jokes that belittle no one and your words always unite, Hafiz will vote for you…

— Hafez

There Should Be A Certain Limit On the Kinds Of Jokes We Pop To Those Who Are Around Us. Some Jokes Are…

— Sabelo Lan Mashabela

Most of the jokes that I wrote were funny and there always seems to be an aspect of comedy in my long-form…

— Victor Levin

But if you were Charlotte, and you had been feeling that life was some cosmic joke that had no punchline, and in…

— Anne Ursu

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with…

— Fred Allen

“Two hours later, my ears were burned to twin crisps, and I owed him forty miles. Bones was in high spirit. Why…

— Jeaniene Frost

The running joke on set [of the Westworlds] was that everyone at some point thinks that they're Anthony Hopkins. Like, "Guys, I…

— Evan Rachel Wood

Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got…

— John Green

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the…

— Daniel Tosh

Donald Trump is finding out what I found out: when you run for office, you are not allowed to tell a joke.

— Jesse Ventura

Thinking of punching these random street people in the face is an excellent way to waste an evening.

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought I loved her, but she had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is

— Nikhil Saluja

Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh?

— Aristophanes

If we live inside a bad joke, it is up to us to learn, at best and worst, to tell it well.

— Jonathan Raban

She loved three things — a joke, a glass of wine, and a handsome man.

— W. Somerset Maugham

Remember how I found you there alone in your electric chair, I told you dirty jokes until you smiled.

— Billy Joel

I'm still no good at ball-and-stick games. If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke.

— Neil Peart

I actually write some pretty tough jokes. I don't want to push the "soft" angle too much.

— Allison Silverman

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

— Nikhil Saluja

Knowing what jokes will work is second nature; you just feel it.

— Jermaine Fowler

Someone please tell me the funniest yo mama jokes right now.

— Dahvie Vanity

To joke in the face of danger is the supreme politeness, a delicate refusal to cast oneself as a tragic hero.

— Edmond Rostand

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

— Daniel Tosh

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

Boys say its great..boys say its fine... 9 months later boys say its not mine..!

— Simi Ngr