Teacher: 'Why didn't you do your homework?' Student; 'Sorry, but Kanye West didn't let me finish...' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
BRB Have to run to the toilet, but I'll be back in two shakes of a man's penis. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding. — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
Yo mama is so ugly, that's not the hair on her head, that's her beard running away from her face — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you follow me & expect a follow back, please do let me know! So I can block you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When something makes no sense, sometimes you make something of it. A joke. A spiritual practice. A life. — Heather Sellers Copy Share Image
I've reached a new level of closeness with a new friend when I can make a joke at their expense. That's one… — Kenneth Lonergan Copy Share Image
I think when the joke comes from the situation in a horror film, it's really great. I don't like jokey horror films… — Guillermo del Toro Copy Share Image
[Donald] Trump, he - you know, buy American, buy American, anti-free trade, and got big cheers. They're waving Russian flags, probably partly… — Mark Shields Copy Share Image
“To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
A lot of comedies fall apart because they just go from joke to joke, and the characters are all sort of being… — Paul Feig Copy Share Image
A constant ongoing joke among the people that I travel with is my absolutely hopeless sense of direction. I'm able to get… — Tim Cahill Copy Share Image
Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me… — Greg Giraldo Copy Share Image
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Cheers was one of the first shows where I paid attention to the writers because their [work] was better than everything else… — Shawn Ryan Copy Share Image
Bettman is an asshole. A frikkin asshole. I think he's ruined the game of hockey. He's supposed to be impartial. He's supposed… — Bob Probert Copy Share Image
I did a 'Last Comic Standing' audition in 2006, where you're just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a… — Hannibal Buress Copy Share Image
I would say that Futurama: Bender's Big Score requires a lot of concentration to watch. It's a very complicated time-travel story. Part… — David X. Cohen Copy Share Image
It is unpardonable conceit not to laugh at your own jokes. Joking is undignified; that is why it is so good for… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
Jewish comedians do the best Jewish jokes, and anyone else doing that, they don't have a right to, because they're not coming… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
“Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke.” — Kristin Cashore Copy Share Image
Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny. — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke? — Gore Vidal Copy Share Image
We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure! — Paul Provenza Copy Share Image
While jokes are used in completing the code of conversation, the monsters shall not know so. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes. — Mitt Romney Copy Share Image
If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
![“[Donald] Trump, he - you know, buy American, buy American, anti-free trade, and got big cheers. They're waving Russian flags, probably partly as a joke. But, still, the party has become an ethnic nationalist party.” quote by Mark Shields](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/mark-shields-1572_bigs_donald-trump-he-you-know-buy-american-bu_3085705.jpg)
![“Cheers was one of the first shows where I paid attention to the writers because their [work] was better than everything else I was watching. The writers weren't afraid to let a joke fall slightly flat if it advanced the characters.” quote by Shawn Ryan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/716/shawn-ryan-19332_attention_cheers-was-one-of-the-first-shows-where_1924582.jpg)
