There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My family joke that I'm really a very senior person who accidentally happens to be 11. — Adora Svitak Copy Share Image
“It was a joke to the extent in the context of the views that speech.” — Herman Cain Copy Share Image
If my jokes offend you: 1. Im sorry. 2. It wont happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. and 4. get over it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
Character is character and voice is voice, which translates nicely from writing novels to writing TV. But the process is different. You… — Jennifer Weiner Copy Share Image
I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
We all joke about Congress but we can't improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
So size does matter from what I heard only 3.5 inches to make a girl happy... Your probably like WTF are you… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Maybe it's because I have too much pride or self-respect, but I thought, 'Why does a guy who has thinning hair and… — Paul Giamatti Copy Share Image
It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than… — Malcolm Muggeridge Copy Share Image
She's different from the girls I'm used to dating. She doesn't get tired of my stories and jokes or expect me to… — Tim Tharp Copy Share Image
If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be… — Michael J. Fox Copy Share Image
When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you ever care to see how all the world’s most awful jokes spread, spend a day on a bond trading desk.… — Michael Lewis Copy Share Image
If God gives you (or makes you) a joke, what are you meant to do in response? (Receive it. Laugh.) If God… — N.D. Wilson Copy Share Image
There's nothing like being in fashion. A man that has once got his character up for a wit is always sure of… — Washington Irving Copy Share Image
I try to play the stiff, as much as I can, and play it dry, which is sometimes hard for me. My… — John Cho Copy Share Image
“Now that I had assigned myself an act without jokes, I gave myself a rule. Never let them know I was bombing” — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See? — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke. — David Rees Copy Share Image
Family jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive. — Stella Benson Copy Share Image
I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can dissect a joke just as you can a frog. But it tends to die on you. — E. B. White Copy Share Image
I'm sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power. — Alice Walker Copy Share Image
“Jokes don't matter… til the performance... if the performance is horrible so do and jokes.” — Deyth Banger Copy Share Image
Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises. — Darby Stanchfield Copy Share Image
Let's never be stupid again. WAIT! Lets always be stupid! Forever! — Ramandeep Singh Copy Share Image
I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog. — Gary Delaney Copy Share Image
The girl-next-door image is a sort of joke; for years, I couldnt get any roles other than as somebody dark. — Felicity Kendal Copy Share Image
