For jokes as well as justice come in with speech. - Aslan, The Magician's Nephew — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls: Practice makes perfect! Boys: But nobody is perfect! So, why do we need to practice?! — Sharlene05 Copy Share Image
My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
The Danes don't take themselves seriously at all and look for the joke in everything. Us Scots are on the same line… — Jamie Sives Copy Share Image
I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do not make fun of children or… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one… — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what's the key to telling a good joke/creating great art… — Travis Nichols Copy Share Image
It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
“The Severed Nose. What would you do if you came home one evening and found a severed nose lying on a plate… — Jeff Strand Copy Share Image
The stuff that I'm saying, they're not really traditional, structured jokes. It's not like I'm talking about growing up in Chicago or… — Reggie Watts Copy Share Image
It's a difficult line to tread, where sometimes you go to the movies or you watch someone do publicity for movies or… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
Most of the people dishing out judgment have no working experience of the theatre, have not written a professional play, a sketch,… — John Lahr Copy Share Image
Well had the boding tremblers learn'd to trace The day's disasters in his morning face; Full well they laugh'd with counterfeited glee… — Oliver Goldsmith Copy Share Image
Rush hour brings out the worst in some people. They make faces, gesture, yell, call names, bump you with their car, and… — Jennifer James Copy Share Image
My dowry is thirty-five. A year.” His brows climbed. “You’re joking.” “I would never joke about money with a notorious thief. Just… — Shana Abe Copy Share Image
It is of first-rate importance to notice from the start that stupidity is not the same thing, or the same sort of… — Gilbert Ryle Copy Share Image
I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm a Macintosh nut. I got my PowerBook, so if I'm not writing jokes, I'm working on that. — Jeff Dunham Copy Share Image
All his leisure clothes were absurd - jokes, really - as though leisure itself had to be ridiculed. — Edmund White Copy Share Image
Who run the world girls, who run the girls boys, who fuck the girls boys boys :p — Horla Copy Share Image
I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I can't stand people that don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' Their so stupid... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the colossal joke of the century. — Barry Humphries Copy Share Image
Don't make a film if it can't be the film you want to make. It's a joke, and a sick joke, and… — David Lynch Copy Share Image
Personally - and I don't mean to brag - my jokes have been falling flat for most of my life. — Paul Rudd Copy Share Image
Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die. — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients? — Scot Kennedy Copy Share Image
There's usually nothing in a guy's joke in which we have to understand what's going on in someone else's mind. — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
