I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
They played a Chris Brown marathon on the radio station today. It was hit after hit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“He'd never been one for jokes, but of course he'd pick now to get a sense of humor.” — Kiersten White Copy Share Image
I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love. — John Oliver Copy Share Image
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
On the set I make jokes I can't get too involved, or it turns into sentimental soup. I try to keep it… — Michael Haneke Copy Share Image
As long as I could hold a pencil, I was drawing and telling stories and making jokes. I've just been lucky that… — Alex Hirsch Copy Share Image
John's relationship with each of the other Beatles was different. He was at his most relaxed with Ringo, who often had him… — Cynthia Lennon Copy Share Image
Usually the intention of the artistic effect is too sophisticated for most people to understand, sort of like a joke that they… — Billy Corgan Copy Share Image
Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me, you all are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking,… — Paperjam Copy Share Image
I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort… — Todd Barry Copy Share Image
I like to have my characters talking in an up-to-date way, and I like their essentially modern self-awareness, which means we can… — Jonathan Stroud Copy Share Image
A lot of times people come up to me saying 'oh my god you can see,' and they think they're the first… — Nat Wolff Copy Share Image
Don't kid yourself. Global warming is no joke. Here's how serious global warming has gotten to be in the United States. In… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other… — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
In your thirties, you're much more comfortable with sex. First of all, sex is something you've done more. You know you can… — Julie Delpy Copy Share Image
The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He… — Dick Cavett Copy Share Image
Nate Silver says this is a 73.6 percent chance that the president is going to win? Nobody in that campaign thinks they… — Joe Scarborough Copy Share Image
The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The place that I worked I used to joke about it. There was a, every morning at 10:30 I'd come into work… — Al Kooper Copy Share Image
If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
I think the saddest moments in life have humor in them. I have a memory of coming home from a funeral with… — Zach Braff Copy Share Image
I loved the idea that I could write a joke and someone else would have to take the risk of performing it. — Judd Apatow Copy Share Image
A professional writer is a joke. You write because you can't do anything else, and then you have another job. — Jamaica Kincaid Copy Share Image
People usually say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I find it's in big boobs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Etc: The word that makes people think you are smarter than you really are. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
As for jokes, I don't think it's necessarily that what I write is funny. — Peter David Copy Share Image
That's what my books are, now that I'm a grownup - mosaics of jokes. — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
Steven Wright can do Steven Wright very well. Not everyone can do Steven Wright's jokes with the same results. — Wyatt Cenac Copy Share Image
There are a lot of clubs that are like, 'Don't do political jokes because it incites a lot of heckling.' — Michelle Buteau Copy Share Image
I think it's important to have a good sense of humor and joke around with your kids. That's what I do a… — Stanley Tucci Copy Share Image
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with So this one time I was eating a salad — Persia Copy Share Image
My girlfriend told me I'm awful in bed. I don't know how she can tell in 30 seconds. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. — Corey Feldman Copy Share Image
Ever you miss me, never you cry. For a drop of tear in your eyes, is a day less in my life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
