In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Roses are red violets are blue if your parents said that you are beautiful they're lying you. — Gothsynster Copy Share Image
There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them. — Werner Heisenberg Copy Share Image
Gasp Reflex : The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In Europe, they travel a lot lighter. I always joke that my Indonesian passengers bring their house and their neighbors house. — Tony Fernandes Copy Share Image
I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it,… — Adam DeVine Copy Share Image
Russell Crowe likes to tell jokes, which I can't. I can't remember a joke to save my life. I don't have a… — Rachel McAdams Copy Share Image
I was raised in a family where no one had a serious bone in their body and every answer was a riddle,… — James Brolin Copy Share Image
Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored and kept pestering my Dad to go… — Robert Paul Copy Share Image
Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to pay him if he ever has to… — Andy Waits Copy Share Image
I love jokes, but God, jokes can go so wrong. I have stayed up many nights thinking, "F**k. I can't believe I… — Drew Barrymore Copy Share Image
On 'Lab Rats,' I read the script probably three or four times before we ever even do a table read because I… — Billy Unger Copy Share Image
I'm a Republican, but if I had my choice of running or having Obama - or somebody, but Obama, even Barack Obama… — Donald Trump Copy Share Image
I rely on some words that actually my husband said to me. He jokes about saying, "You know it's only darkest before… — Cindy McCain Copy Share Image
I try not to write jokes that are mean. I try my best to write jokes that are pretty universal and jokes… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
To call them emotional comedies sounds cloying. Like Billy Wilder said, 'You want to make them laugh and you want to make… — Charles Shyer Copy Share Image
It stands to reason that we love chocolate cake because it is sweet. Guys go for girls like this because they are… — Daniel Dennett Copy Share Image
People really do identify with the characters they see on the show, but these days, social media allows you to interact with… — Chris Carmack Copy Share Image
When I was 13 and 14, there were a lot of jokes about my bar mitzvah and my grandparents, and then when… — Seth Rogen Copy Share Image
I think it gets uncomfortable when you try to act like you didn't just tell a joke that bombed. — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick. — Kevin Copy Share Image
If I ever let my head fall.. I promise , I would be simply admiring my shoes — Mercy Pheona Copy Share Image
One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes. — Desi Arnaz Copy Share Image
I'm not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn't really bother me. — Dick Cavett Copy Share Image
“Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes. — Paul Rudd Copy Share Image
I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens. — Rip Taylor Copy Share Image
I dont make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why. — Chris Hardwick Copy Share Image
