Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign. — James A. Owen Copy Share Image
Jon's mother had three kids named Penny, Nickel and __????__. You'll be amazed how many people get this wrong. — Justin Mccloskey Copy Share Image
Black and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I am a kind of joke, but the question is: which kind? My job is to keep everyone guessing.” — Gary Shteyngart Copy Share Image
For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The studying, the books, exams, arguments, theories. The jokes and pints, laughter, kisses and songs. Life was like running, ninety percent sweat… — Siobhan Dowd Copy Share Image
Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit,… — Jo Brand Copy Share Image
I find it deeply upsetting when I see justice not being served. How do we as human beings deal with the unknown?… — Atom Egoyan Copy Share Image
So many guys are so conservative with their hair, and I always joke with all my buddies when they mess with me,… — Tom Brady Copy Share Image
I'm infamous, a joke. It doesn't make me feel good, because I'm a genuine person, but I don't let it get to… — William Hung Copy Share Image
I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else.… — John Lloyd Copy Share Image
The best of my songs are more than just a joke. There's something else going on - a character, or it's not… — Randy Newman Copy Share Image
Thanks to feminism, women can now acquire status in two ways: through marriage or their own achievements. Cure cancer or marry the… — Katha Pollitt Copy Share Image
I have seen so few films in which the sex felt really respected by the filmmaker. Hollywood too often shies away from… — John Cameron Mitchell Copy Share Image
I went up on stage, and said, "Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the chicks." I was a… — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
We used to get 27, 28 minutes to do a story in, and now they're lucky if they get 18 or 20… — Dick Van Dyke Copy Share Image
I think the novel is essentially a comic form (tragedy is for the theatre), not meaning by that full of jokes, but… — Iris Murdoch Copy Share Image
And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I myself am convinced that the theory of evolution, especially to the extent to which it has been applied, will be one… — Malcolm Muggeridge Copy Share Image
You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
