Jokes Quotes · Page 27

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

— Nikhil Saluja

Our country's social revolution lends itself to jokes and I use them.

— Nipsey Russell

If life a joke then I’m waiting for the punch. You all about the beef but me, I’m bout the bun.

— Mac Miller

I joke that a person of color would never make a movie like 'Midnight in Paris.' Nostalgia isn't so enticing.

— Meshell Ndegeocello

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

— Stella Benson

Dont do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor aint.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

— Rod Schmidt

To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn?

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain to be alive for decades and not believe in…

— Douglas Coupland

I think there are brilliant jokes to be made about abortion, and we should be able to talk about this in the…

— Caitlin Moran

No reason to get excited,' the thief, he kindly spoke, There are many here among us who feel that life is but…

— Bob Dylan

Some comics have long routines to get them in the mood - I just prefer to sit down, write out the same…

— Jack Whitehall

It would drive the photographers crazy because I would giggle and tell jokes. I was gregarious, and looking back, I realize I…

— Tracee Ellis Ross

So this is it. You are scored on my heart, Clark. You were from the first day you walked in, with your…

— Jojo Moyes

Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke…

— Brad Williams

My father, the practical joker, did not care for practical jokes on himself; he did not encourage the practice in me.

— Lincoln Steffens

When I first started doing my stand-up act, I played the banjo, did comedy, magic tricks, juggled, read poetry. I stuck it…

— Steve Martin

That's what happens with most comedies. If you watch 10 minutes and there's no joke, then you're disappointed because you're expecting jokes.…

— Quentin Dupieux

Nate Silver says this is a 73.6 percent chance that the president is going to win. Nobody in that campaign thinks they…

— Joe Scarborough

Husband : Why did you give so much money to the beggar who was pretending to be blind? Wife : Didn't you…

— Syntific

Science fiction has its own history, its own legacy of what's been done, what's been superseded, what's so much part of the…

— Iain Banks

Twenty Four hours After United States concluded the Presidential election. The winner Mr Barack Obama is celebrating his victory. The Nigerian President…

— Horla

You like the girl," Alasdair offered. Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him. "Lillian said you tried to be funny in the…

— Ilona Andrews

It might reasonably be maintained that the true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is…

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

Sweetie, if you opened a book more times than you opened your legs,you might actually get somewhere in life.

— Nikhil Saluja

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. -- To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm a professional hanger outer. I'm a super liability, too. I joke around and I'm like a hyper-active child.

— Donal Logue

French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders' sit-in.

— Ronnie Corbett

I grew up in the projects. You have no choice but to fight. My jokes used to get me in fights.

— Marlon Wayans

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you're an older woman [in a movie] you tend to be in - how did you put it? You're the brunt…

— Jane Fonda

I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.

— Geoffrey Parfitt

Teacher: name four member of the cat family/ pupil:dady cat;momy cat;and two kittens :D

— Anonymous

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.

— Donald Glover

All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.

— Yahoo Serious

God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro.

— Nikhil Saluja

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

— Jim Gaffigan

Your pregnant is the only AprilFool joke you women got? Find a new joke cause that been played out years ago

— Deon Crockett

My penis should make me breakfast on morning. It is always up before I am.

— Anonymous

I hate those movies where hundreds of people get blown up and there are jokes afterward. They poison the soul.

— Rob Reiner