Halloween: Is one night of the year when all households save the most on their electricity bill. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,' — Carol Leifer Copy Share Image
I feel sorry for those who don't have a sense of humor, imagine the decades they're missing on out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
To know how to structure the joke perfectly so that the narrative information is given in the right tempo, in just the… — David Salle Copy Share Image
Please don't make me a joke. End the interview with what I believe. I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want… — Marilyn Monroe Copy Share Image
Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz.… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
She said she wasn't afraid of Satan, in fact, she thought he was a joke. She said she'd tear his tail off… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Perhaps the way to succeed is to think of life on Earth as a colossal joke, a creation of such immense stupidity… — Meg Rosoff Copy Share Image
Don't you love it when you're busy all you want to do is rest butttttttttttttt when your relaxing all you want to… — MrAwesome Copy Share Image
I want to get that same feeling that everybody logging on to our website is sharing a little bit of an inside… — Stan Lee Copy Share Image
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.'… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
Sometimes you go up to people who look totally normal and then you talk to them for a few seconds and you… — Billy Eichner Copy Share Image
Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I make the joke, all the time, that if you have the word "man" and a number in the title, like Batman… — Rob Reiner Copy Share Image
If you have only a little capital and are young today, there are fewer opportunities than when I was young. Back then,… — Charlie Munger Copy Share Image
I'll be honest with you, one of the things that frustrated me the most out the record leak thing, it had nothing… — Bradford Cox Copy Share Image
If you do something that is not gags and punchlines and is character-based, where there are no jokes as such, then it… — Darren Boyd Copy Share Image
I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Comedy mocks the vanity of visions of rational control. The person who can joke amidst a confrontation with evil, like the quick-witted… — Peter Leithart Copy Share Image
The joke isn't too soon, the tragedy is too late. — John Alejandro King Aka The Covert Comic Copy Share Image
