I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
All human populations are in some sense immigrants. All hostility between different cultures in one place has an aspect of the classic… — Neal Ascherson Copy Share Image
To our betters eve can reconcile ourselves, if you please--respecting them sincerely, laughing at their jokes, making allowance for their stupidities, meekly… — William Makepeace Thackeray Copy Share Image
“The year that Rutherford died (1938) there disappeared forever the happy days of free scientific work which gave us such delight in… — Pyotr Kapitsa Copy Share Image
“I wonder Pa went so easy. I wonder Grampa didn' kill nobody. Nobody never tol' Grampa where to put his feet. An'… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
An audience who watches my shows knows who I am, knows that right when they think I'm going to make a joke,… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty… — Dylan Thomas Copy Share Image
I'm not offended. Lenny Bruce taught me that everything's funny. You can make everything funny. I don't think that assassinations are funny,… — Larry King Copy Share Image
This is not really currency that circulates. It's like the old joke about expensive vintage wine. Wine prices will go up and… — Michael Hudson Copy Share Image
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said… — Harry Hill Copy Share Image
Start dating someone who is funny, someone who has what in high school you called a "really great sense of humor" and… — Lorrie Moore Copy Share Image
I'm just having fun making jokes and writing books. But you see me once a year, I come on when I have… — T.C. Boyle Copy Share Image
“And there's a cop over there." "What?" the boy said, glancing at the D.C. police officer that stood at the corner of… — Ally Carter Copy Share Image
Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
A sparrow lay dead on the backseat. She had found her way through a hole in the windscreen, tempted by some seat-sponge… — Arundhati Roy Copy Share Image
There used to be a joke that women need a reason to have sex, while men only need a place. Does policy… — Rush Limbaugh Copy Share Image
“Breyona didn’t have to force a laugh. “Fellowship? Who do you think you are? Freedo the hobbit?” “It’s Frodo,” he said over… — Eric Edstrom Copy Share Image
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
It is natural that people do not want to be involved with us too much. There is no problem down to the… — Reinhard Heydrich Copy Share Image
I know the M-word makes you nervous, but yeah. I'm talking about the big, permanent friendship. A little different from what Joe… — Suzanne Brockmann Copy Share Image
I do suppose what any political satire, what any political joke can count as a gaffe or a possible career-ending move. It… — Timothy Simons Copy Share Image
“No time for jokes," Nakamura said. "Is Neil there?" "Let's just say I'm Sleeping Beauty's personal assistant right now." "I guess that… — Kevin Sylvester Copy Share Image
To this day, to this very day, except for television, I've never had a writer. Anything I've ever done on the stage,… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold… — Spencer W. Kimball Copy Share Image
What makes a good animated movie is being able to balance adult and knowing in-jokes and also just out and out funny… — Benedict Cumberbatch Copy Share Image
The incarnation is “a kind of vast joke whereby the Creator of the ends of the earth comes among us in diapers… — Frederick Buechner Copy Share Image
All womankind, from the highest to the lowest love jokes; the difficulty is to know how they choose to have them cut;… — Laurence Sterne Copy Share Image
Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
If the clockwork universe equated the human body with the mechanics of the clock, the digital universe now equates human consciousness with… — Douglas Rushkoff Copy Share Image
The White Company offers its loyalists an altogether better, whiter world. The White people have edited out any colours that aren't white,… — Peter York Copy Share Image
Great short stories and great jokes have a lot in common. Both depend on what communication-theorists sometimes called "exformation," which is a… — David Foster Wallace Copy Share Image
Stand-up life is really hard. At one point, I got so paralyzed I could write five screenplays before I could write three… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
“He had a curiously stunted sense of humor and loved practical jokes that veered dangerously close to cruelty. Once on a hot… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
One of the great things about humor is, you can slip things past people with humor, you can use it as a… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
I think having a good life prompts it... anybody who has a good life and looks around them sees the enormous disparity… — Nicole Holofcener Copy Share Image
We live in a world with "free" content, and this freedom is not an imperfection. We listen to the radio without paying… — Lawrence Lessig Copy Share Image
I describe it ( the new aesthetics) 'radically': I say aesthetics = human being. That is a radical formula. I set the… — Joseph Beuys Copy Share Image
