One of the things that got me thinking during therapy is that they say that fear is only thoughts, and nothing will… — Lars von Trier Copy Share Image
Nigerians are everywhere. There's an old joke, particularly about the Ibos, that when you finally land on Mars, you're going to find… — Chris Abani Copy Share Image
I had really not been out of the United States much, except for Mexico. I thought, "Jesus Christ, this [Russia] is like… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My role is almost a sight-gag. I have to be a woman to sing the lyrics "I am a man" to have… — Max von Essen Copy Share Image
I must say, I am thrilled with my fan base. For some reason some of them are quite young, so they are… — Colin Farrell Copy Share Image
According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I don't like working by a monitor. I stand right next to the camera, and I'm very performance-oriented. That really means everything… — Drew Barrymore Copy Share Image
Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know -… — Rue McClanahan Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by mankind. I grew up watching 'Candid Camera' and thought it was funnier than any standup, any joke, anything that… — Howie Mandel Copy Share Image
Boy: Hi Girl: What? Boy: How are you? Girl: Do I know you? Boy: I'm rich.. Girl: Oh! Hi. My name is… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only basis for even talking about global warming is the predictions spewed out by computer models. The only quote/unquote "evidence" of… — Rush Limbaugh Copy Share Image
Listen: People are always saying, 'Rickey says Rickey.' But it's been blown way out of proportion. People might catch me, when they… — Rickey Henderson Copy Share Image
Listen. Look. Desire is a house. Desire needs closed space. Desire runs out of doors or windows, or slats or pinpricks, it… — Aimee Bender Copy Share Image
Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay. When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even… — Louise Rennison Copy Share Image
Here's the thing, with comedy - and I learned this from Will Ferrell - you can't be ashamed. If you're doing comedy,… — John C. Reilly Copy Share Image
What are they waiting to see?" Sam follows my gaze and I shrug. "Who knows? You could always do a dance, or… — Sophie Kinsella Copy Share Image
I don't read all the junk. I joke if I did, I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. But, Sometimes… — Gretchen Carlson Copy Share Image
It's just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is… — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
What was love, really? Flowers, chocolate, and poetry? Or was it something else? Was it being able to finish someone's jokes? Was… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
When I'm concentrating, I can be fixed in place for hours. In fact, there was a joke in my office that everybody… — Sonia Sotomayor Copy Share Image
It is the simple truth that man does differ from the brutes in kind and not in degree; and the proof of… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Brian Posehn went up at 4:45 in the morning. And he gets lost at a certain point. I don't know if we… — B. J. Porter Copy Share Image
We used to joke about canned men, putting people in a can and seeing how far you can send them and bring… — John Glenn Copy Share Image
“Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
What joke can I say about Donald Trump that he hasn't said about himself? When he gets dressed, he comes out as… — Michael Che Copy Share Image
A lot of people live with no apparent means of support. I kind of envy the musicians up there. You're down here,… — Kurt Voss Copy Share Image
I joke that I've never been burdened by having an actual hit. There's something to that. My records have sold enough to… — Lyle Lovett Copy Share Image
“I wrote. I wrote all the things I couldn’t say to him. I wrote about how much I believed in us. I… — Kimberly Novosel Copy Share Image
I did a guest shot on a comedy series where they did 20 to 30 takes of everything. It's just gone by… — Dick Van Dyke Copy Share Image
There is a fact-based belief system available to you if you want to believe in facts. But this is the weirdest time.… — John Flansburgh Copy Share Image
I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I have this JPM thing: jokes per minute. I've worked out that I should get in about 12 punchlines in five minutes.… — Frank Skinner Copy Share Image
Yes, we were amazed when that happened. It was a real joke to us. Konrad Lueg and I did a Happening, and… — Gerhard Richter Copy Share Image
I believe that a perfect house is like a perfect person; no one really wants to be around them and everyone secretly… — Emily Henderson Copy Share Image
The joke of it all is that you are looking from your true nature right now without knowing it. If you would… — Adyashanti Copy Share Image
In your thirties, you're much more comfortable with sex. First of all, sex is something you've done more. You know you can… — Julie Delpy Copy Share Image
Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other… — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He… — Dick Cavett Copy Share Image
I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
![“I had really not been out of the United States much, except for Mexico. I thought, "Jesus Christ, this [Russia] is like a whole new world." Instead of writing Michael Jackson one-glove jokes, all I had to do was go to these weird places and keep my eyes and ears open.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1cd/p-j-o-rourke-184_christ_i-had-really-not-been-out-of-the-united_1112120.png)
