“Yeah, go ahead and get the forbidden garden comment out of your system. And no matter what witty snake joke you're considering?… — Leah Clifford Copy Share Image
I have been recording every single one of my shows since 1994. Every single joke I've ever done is on a hard… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
I do a joke in my stand-up where I say I'm a Christian, but I'm not a Christian comedian. I think that's… — Anjelah Johnson Copy Share Image
'The State' had never done improv. We used to go over scripts for weeks and argue about every joke. But I don't… — Robert Ben Garant Copy Share Image
Some People Don't Know When To Open Their Mouth And Talk. They Don't Know When To Start And Stop. They Don't Know… — Sabelo Lan Mashabela Copy Share Image
If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or… — Amy Carmichael Copy Share Image
I'm not good at telling a joke, but I can say a line in a certain way that makes people uncomfortable because… — Walton Goggins Copy Share Image
It's like a cosmic joke that people dream to perform in front of a huge crowd. But it is a welcomed challenge.… — Julien Baker Copy Share Image
“GRANDMA: Are you a gay? ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man? *She… — Scarlett Brukett Copy Share Image
“Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover… — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
The whole time that I was doing the voice of Korra, I would always joke around saying that nobody's gonna give me… — Janet Varney Copy Share Image
“Hey,” he said. “Hi.” Oh, damn. It was awkward. “What’re you doing?” “Shearing a sheep. It’s cold outside, and I need a… — Chanelle Gray Copy Share Image
“You'll have to excuse Zo's manners. She was raised by a group of indigenous swamp wallabies and is at times uncomfortable conversing… — Jennifer Lynn Barnes Copy Share Image
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I like to joke that I already married a 26-year-old and divorced a 29-year-old, so I wasn't going to do that again… — Grant Show Copy Share Image
I think because people can't understand our style, they think it's a joke. Our music isn't intellectual - we make music for… — Watkin Tudor Jones Copy Share Image
When sleep over at my place, you can have my bed .but not my Pillow I feel like you had to much… — Syntific Copy Share Image
A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The… — Greg Giraldo Copy Share Image
I don't like irony and sarcasm very much. But I do like it when you think someone is telling you a joke,… — Jens Lekman Copy Share Image
My whole life is a practical joke. Every evening and every show has really become about entertaining me. I was always like… — Howie Mandel Copy Share Image
When you're sitting in the theater watching your own work be performed, you get to see people's reactions immediately. Unlike with a… — Stephen McCauley Copy Share Image
“...of all the seeds that fly about the world, the one with the most solid wings, enabling it to be scattered at… — Marcel Proust Copy Share Image
“Hey, Stone. I heard a new CIA joke. Okay: how can we be sure the CIA wasn’t involved in the Kennedy assassination?”… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Back in the day, if someone said that hip hop and rap was a fad, that was a joke to me because… — Jam Master Jay Copy Share Image
“This wise old whiskery fish swims up to three young fish and goes, 'Morning, boys, how's the water?' and swims away; and… — David Foster Wallace Copy Share Image
There used to be an old bad joke. I hope it's not so much a good joke anymore. 'Everybody's from Scranton; no… — Joe Biden Copy Share Image
I realized that you didn't have to make self-deprecating remarks or turn yourself into the butt of some unspoken joke. I also… — Maeve Binchy Copy Share Image
“It sometime occurred to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the… — Tao Lin Copy Share Image
I'm surrounded by women whose style I admire. It's natural to be inspired. I'm not a horrible copycat, or if I am,… — Emily Weiss Copy Share Image
Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry… — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
A joke is a good camouflage. Next best comes sentiment... But the best camouflage of all - in my opinion - is… — Max Frisch Copy Share Image
“Piper: it looks like we have hole. Percy: Yeah we've got a dam hole! (LOL-ing) Piper: What! Percy: Inside joke. (still LOL-ing)… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“On his good days, he tried to teach me everything he knew." "What about his bad days?" "On his bad days, he… — Sage Blackwood Copy Share Image
“A jolly young fellow from Yuma Told an elephant joke to a puma; now his skeleton lies beneath hot western skies- the… — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage,… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
Half of being a comedian is knowing how to pace a joke, how to say it, so someone else could be given… — Janelle James Copy Share Image
Homework's hard. Especially math. My kids joke with me. They tell me they have homework. I say, 'Okay.' And then I sit… — Angelina Jolie Copy Share Image
There's no amount of money that makes you feel better when people think of you as a joke or a hack or… — Patrick Stump Copy Share Image
When someone pitches a joke for a character that is just perfect, and you can imagine that actor reading that line at… — Michael Schur Copy Share Image
There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
