You can't always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you've just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new joke doesn't work, I've got lots of old ones that do. Just like cops, it's important to have… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
A talking dog is not the answer. That's not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me,… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
People come to me with ideas for shows, and I certainly am thinking of stuff all the time. And it's always like, you know,… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
