They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
