They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Well I'm trying to think what I put in... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
We are always making more and more stuff in the world. You know; big buildings, big planes, big boats and that. Will we ever… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
The great pyramid is overrated. It's a bad design. The lounge is going to be huge, but the bedroom is going to be tiny. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
They do it in Thai restaurants in London. You ask for a drink, and it comes in a glass with loads of seaweed and… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
