“His only mistake, naturally enough, was to keep his attention on the bloke with the saw. He should have been watching the… — Mark Huntley-James Copy Share Image
“Just answer the questions so I can get the fuck out of this backwards shithole before I start wanting to root a… — JD Nixon Copy Share Image
“I think this goat must have been fed on old boots,' Stubble complained as he chewed the last scraps of flesh from… — Carl Sargent Copy Share Image
“What if," replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, "we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so… — Lyndsay Faye Copy Share Image
The 7 Funniest Contradictory Words: 1. Clearly Misunderstood, 2. Exact Estimate, 3. Small Crowd, 4. Act Naturally, 5. Found Missing, 6. Fully Empty, 7. Happily Married? — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
“I tell myself not to feel sexually threatened. I am of no special interest; he could just as easily be angling for… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
I've got a sick sense of humour, a dark sense of humour. I do care about things and care about people but… — Limmy Copy Share Image
“Assad: 'I have written it just down here.' He Pointed to a number of Arabic symbols that could just as well have… — Jussi Adler-Olsen Copy Share Image
“I saved you,” Andersen said at last, slowly but firmly, like Pat was an idiot child who had to be reminded of… — Alex Gabriel Copy Share Image
I like Roy Orbison's video for 'I Drove All Night' because it's so literal. It is just a man driving throughout the… — Richard Ayoade Copy Share Image
“Formerly these harsh cells in which the discipline of the prison leaves the condemned to himself were composed of four stone walls,… — Victor Hugo Copy Share Image
“Excuse me, your attention please.” He waited until the whole floor had stopped what it was doing and turned to face him.… — Sarah Mayberry Copy Share Image
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Books are never out of humour; never envious or jealous, they answer all questions with readiness; ... they teach us how to… — Holbrook Jackson Copy Share Image
“To come with a well-informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
“In the cramped confines of the toilet I had trouble getting out of my wet trousers, which clung to my legs like… — Geoff Dyer Copy Share Image
“It’s late and most of the clerks are at home in their beds, dreaming of swimming in pools filled with real money.” — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
“As it turns out, Lot’s wife couldn’t sever her ties with Sodom, and God knew that she had left at least a… — Spencer C Demetros Copy Share Image
“Whilst it may be our species greatest achievement, responsible for every technological advance we have or ever will make, science is also… — Katie McKissick Copy Share Image
“It's chick flick disguised as a sword-and-sorcery picture. The only genre film with less balls is probably... freakin' Legend . Anyone who… — Ernest Cline Copy Share Image
British Prime Minister William Ewart Gladstone spent his declining years trying to guess the answer to the Irish Question; unfortunately, whenever he… — W. C. Sellar Copy Share Image
I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
“Can you put your hands on my crotch?” “Why, hell no, I cannot.” I didn’t remember anything like this happening in Pride… — Jennifer Echols Copy Share Image
'Toast of London' is a must-watch. Matt Berry's off-the-wall humour is slightly surreal and a little bit deviant. That's why I also… — Maxine Peake Copy Share Image
“They'd had to empty their pockets and turn over Aunt Val's purse to the security guard. That way, I wouldn't be tempted… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
“Eton produced Society's Monsters - everyone knew that. Politicians, mostly, and occasionally people who ran banks and all the other institutions that… — Maureen Johnson Copy Share Image
“Chasing something external to satisfy the internal is a hollow practice. The only thing you can chase is yourself and you are… — Tresh An Copy Share Image
“Ah don't hate the English. They're just wankers. We are colonised by wankers. We can't even pick a decent, vibrant, healthy culture… — Irvine Welsh Copy Share Image
The English take everything with an exquisite sense of humour. They are only offended if you tell them that they have no… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Linc was so amazed at what he saw and heard, “This is sooo cool. I love this place. This looks way better… — S.W. Lothian Copy Share Image
“Are you an evolutionist? I’m an absurdist, ma’am. But let’s suppose evolution is true; what about the monkeys today? Why can’t we… — Harrison Wheeler Copy Share Image
“Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the… — Guillermo del Toro Copy Share Image
Barcza is the most versatile player in the opening. He sometimes plays P-KKt3 on the first, sometimes on the second, sometimes on… — Harry Golombek Copy Share Image
“I've had quite enough danger for a while I think. I might have some more when I'm thirteen, but definitely not before… — Joshua Donellan Copy Share Image
“He leans back in his seat. His legs are spread and his head tipped back, with his eyes challenging me. “Okay what’s… — Lily Morton Copy Share Image
I have survivor skills. Some of that is superficial - what I present to people outwardly - but what makes people resilient… — Amy Tan Copy Share Image
“without forgetting the "f" word which some overdosed victims and patients of it misuse it as a verb, an adverb, a simile,… — Besto Muzenda Copy Share Image
“I love you," I whispered hoarsely. "You're my favourite person." The tears blurred in my eyes again. "And if you ever tell… — Samantha Young Copy Share Image
“Please ejaculate", I silently urged the man, "so I can go to sleep". (In this way I imagine I was like millions… — Jon Ronson Copy Share Image
“CUSTOMER (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles realy were crap, weren’t they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a… — Jen Campbell Copy Share Image
