Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“He tends to go for girls who are-Shelby, honey? Put your hands over your ears for just a sec.” Back into the… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
“Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with… — Mark Lawrence Copy Share Image
“Oh my God. Party punch. He’d brought a woman with the social age of twelve to the Citadel. He deserved everything he… — Annabel Joseph Copy Share Image
“Technically, you don't pay me. And technically, most of what I do is "think." I...rrr. ummm. And when you get right down… — Howard Tayler Copy Share Image
“They want dancing girls! They want thrills! They want elephants! They want people falling off roofs! They want dreams! The world is… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Isn't that petty?" "Anna, you have not yet seen pettiness. When a couple of tough guys like the general and Lugala Tsu… — Eleanor Arnason Copy Share Image
“Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I want the evening upon which we lose our collective virginities to be special. I'm no parthenologist but I suspect that Jordana's… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
“This may interest you. A letter from my dear cousin Fouquier-Tinville.” Camille cast an eye over his relative’s best handwriting. “Squirm, flattery,… — Hilary Mantel Copy Share Image
“I'm not sure if you've noticed this yet, but Jenny Sullivan likes to overuse people's first names. It's a technique she read… — Claire Garber Copy Share Image
“It made him feel a little uncomfortable sometimes when he reflected that the good little boys always died. He loved to live,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You can decide to invade Russia at dinner, pick Waterloo for battle on a whim. It's the details, the small stuff. Its… — Dwight D. Eisenhower Copy Share Image
“But the loneliness was still on Danny and demanded an outlet. 'Here we sit,' he began at last. ' - broken-hearted,' Pilon… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
“There is nothing we can now call our own, for what we call so is the effect of art; crimes are made… — Blaise Pascal Copy Share Image
“Did you catch the time-of-great-suffering thing?” Her expression softened. “Can you just make sure I’m not around when it happens?” “No can… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“You’re Neptune, right?” she asked. “Lord of the sea who washed up on the beach during the storm? Do you perform miracles?… — Olivia Cunning Copy Share Image
“Through the door came a being of intense vivacity, impeccable sartorial integrity, and intermittent intelligibility.” — Terry Bisson Copy Share Image
I think we all love to watch something we know is going to go catastrophically wrong - the old banana skin syndrome,… — Sarah Alexander Copy Share Image
“Well, that explains why we jumped into bed with each other so quickly. We were both hornier than a bucket of desert… — Olivia Cunning Copy Share Image
“Technically, you cannot really own a book you bought; you can only own the sheets of paper your copy is printed on;… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Relationship humour gets the most laughs. If I'm able to get the women laughing, men will have to laugh along because they… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
“Romancin’ is verra important, ye ken. Basically it’s a way the boy can get close to the girl wi’oot her attackin’ him… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
There is no generation from an egg in the Mineral Kingdom. Hence no vascular circulation of the humours as in the remaining… — Carl Linnaeus Copy Share Image
“Listen to me very carefully, and think hard about what happens if you go over my head to do something for me… — Lily Morton Copy Share Image
“I have the most fantastic, stupendous, magnificent idea. Why it’s better than television," he said, standing there in red, tartan pyjamas, his… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You will do well to take advantage of Madame's short residence to get up your French a little... You will be glad… — Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu Copy Share Image
In terms of love, you're not in control and I hate that feeling. I seem to write a lot of sad songs… — Freddie Mercury Copy Share Image
“Words were insufficient for the elevation of his [Mr Collins'] feelings; and he was obliged to walk about the room, while Elizabeth… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
“Harder! Harder! Strike at it, for the gods’ sake! It’s a Parthian, not your grandmother! I swear if you don’t put some… — M.C. Scott Copy Share Image
If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided… — Kate Beckinsale Copy Share Image
Shall we ever live to see the following wise prohibition - the audience is forbidden to smoke and the masters are forbidden… — Savielly Tartakower Copy Share Image
“This was after stew. But then, so is everything. When the first man crawled out of the slime and went to make… — William Goldman Copy Share Image
Chess is a contributor to net human unhappiness, since the pleasure of victory is greatly exceeded by the pain of defeat. — William Hartston Copy Share Image
“Shee-it, you people have all the fun. You guys are givin' people strokes and havin' sex parties and doin' rescues while I'm… — Elle Casey Copy Share Image
“He couldn’t just come right out with it, could he? No, that would scare her off. He had to be subtle, build… — Sarah Mayberry Copy Share Image
“We are getting older fatter and balder. Each day brings us one step closer to death. Other than that, life's a ding-a-derry.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“We sometimes congratulate someone, not because we value or find worthy what they have just achieved, but only because we fear coming… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“He said he wouldn’t stay, as he didn’t care much for the smell of the paint, and fell over the scraper as… — George Grossmith Copy Share Image
“I saw two birds having dangerously kinky sex on the main road, while several cars ran above them just missing the sparrows’… — Initially NO Copy Share Image
![“Words were insufficient for the elevation of his [Mr Collins'] feelings; and he was obliged to walk about the room, while Elizabeth tried to unite civility and truth in a few short sentences.” quote by Jane Austen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40c/jane-austen-39_civility_words-were-insufficient-for-the-elevatio_1661754.jpg)
