Humour Quotes · Page 51

“You can take that needle out of my leg now. I'd like to pull up my pants.”

— Alison Kemper

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. -Oscar Wilde”

— Louisa Thomsen Brits

Cultivate a sense of humour. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good.

— Jerome K. Jerome

“The Attolians liked to point out with a snicker that there was no sign anywhere of the king's hand at work.”

— Megan Whalen Turner

“I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk.”

— Maurice Moss

“Life is difficult and those who make us laugh are angels.”

— Wayne Gerard Trotman

“To Kalist, Baumauer’s just a timber bridge in need of a good hot fire.”

— Carla H Krueger

“Your daughter is adorable. I've never seen such an alien duck in my entire life.”

— Holly Smale

The ironic humor comes from the distance between what we understand about ourselves and what is truly going on in ourselves.

— Robert Olen Butler

“Last time I saw her, she was peeking out from one of the bookcases next to the fireplace. She's the first cat…

— Ellen Hart

Japanese horror films take the business of being frightening seriously. There is no attempt at postmodernism or humour. They are incredibly melancholy,…

— Jane Goldman

The genius of the Spanish people is exquisitely subtle, without being at all acute; hence there is so much humour and so…

— Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“Torture?” she asked with a laugh. “My first piece of information I’ll divulge to you? I wouldn’t recommend trying to torture me.…

— Kresley Cole

“You know, bullying," her mother began. "I see it every day. Kids get bullied at school, they get cyber bullied, text bullied,…

— Dianne F. Gray

“ Submit! Juliet's Joy screeches underneath him at no one in particular. "I've got to get a new horse," the Mayor mutters.”

— Patrick Ness

“One of these days, I would doubt the Gardeners a little too much and Zach was going to play handball with my…

— Erica Lindquist

For my part I think the Learned, and Unlearned Blockhead pretty equal; for 'tis all one to me, whether a Man talk…

— Mary Astell

“Do you remember what we just did? Please tell me you remember what we just did." She briefly toyed with the idea…

— Dianna Hardy

“She didn't know what a goji berry was, but it sounded like something Amazonian tribesmen might eat when they wanted to talk…

— Lola Salt

“Fabre stood up. He placed his fingertips on d‘Anton’s temples. “Put your fingers here,” he said. “Feel the resonance. Put them here,…

— Hilary Mantel

“Me and my old man went on a coach trip to Switzerland and Italy once and it was a whole hour further…

— Agatha Christie

Iraq's invasion of Kuwait is a case of bad men doing wrong things for wicked reasons. This is the full-sized or standard…

— P. J. O'Rourke

“Why couldn't Rachel be a little more specific about the type of person she was? Goodness knew; if she were a hippie…

— Martin Amis

“Klaus leaned out the window and began to pour the mixture of blackstrap molasses, wild clover honey, corn syrup, aged balsamic vinegar,…

— Lemony Snicket

The Worst Thing About Censorship Is... [ Deleted By Censorship Bureau ]

— Pacifiersucker

“Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees.”

— Terry Pratchett

“She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet.”

— Jefferson Smith

Humour is a big part of our lives as well as our music. Making it fun is the most important thing.

— Adam Faulkner

“Life is the courier of the universal brilliance." Elysse”

— Elysse Poetis

“He didn’t look as if he’d been through a whirlwind exactly but he’d certainly endured a stiff breeze.”

— Sara Sheridan

The sympathy of most people consists of a mixture of good-humour, curiosity, and self-importance.

— Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

“I decide to release myself the only way I can imagine: I pee my pants.”

— Phil Torcivia

“Did you just seriously quote Grease? I think I'm gonna have to revoke your man card.”

— Elizabeth Sharp

“You're asking the cyborg fugitive and the wild animal to be the welcoming committee? That's adorable.”

— Marissa Meyer

I like a man with a nice, self-deprecating sense of humour.

— Christina Hendricks

Campo, as everyone in chess recognized, had a 2600 rating as a politician.

— Raymond Keene

“Where's Kraven? Is he stalking me too?" His mouth went tight. "I'm not stalking you.”

— Michelle Rowen

“Heartache makes for good poetry, heartburn not so much.”

— S. Tarr

How could they tell? (on being told that Calvin Coolidge was dead)

— Dorothy Parker

“Free citizens of the United Kingdom can apparently vote for clowns, but not vote (dressed) as them.”

— Eddie Mair