You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I've fucked you, licked you, bound you, flogged you, and spanked you. Jesus, Lilly, how much more do you want to get… — Ella Dominguez Copy Share Image
“Having our old Gran in the car was like having a cranky 'Tassie Tiger' sitting in the back. You never knew when… — Elizabeth M. Thompson Copy Share Image
I've watched goldfish make babies, and ants execute earwigs. I've seen a fly deliver live young while having its head eaten by… — N.D. Wilson Copy Share Image
This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
The humorous man recognizes that absolute purity, absolute justice, absolute logic and perfection are beyond human achievement and that men have been… — Brooks Atkinson Copy Share Image
I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“We are a bed business, and a coffee-room business. We are not a general dining business, nor do we wish it. In… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway. 'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a… — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor Copy Share Image
“I am in the prime of my womanhood, nunga-nungas poised and trembling (attractively). Lips puckered up and in peak condition for a… — Louise Rennison Copy Share Image
“Cayl replies...I understand the human reproductive system, Agent Denning; I’m here to capture a killer, not indulge in these intrusive human senses.” — Tielle St. Clare Copy Share Image
America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
“In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child… — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine. — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“You were listening at the door, Gigi!" "No, Grandmamma." "Yes, you had your ear to the keyhole. You must never listen at… — Collette Copy Share Image
You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old-time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humorous writing is often thought of as substandard in comparison to work with a more dramatic or tragic intent. I don't know… — Patrick deWitt Copy Share Image
I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Perhaps he was merely being friendly. Perhaps he saw the look on my face and mistook it for something else. Really what… — Margaret Atwood Copy Share Image
He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Is that how you get propositioned at the court? 'Mylady, would you be so kind as to allow me to put my… — Erica Dakin Copy Share Image
“The hamster-powered hat is the same as any other hat. It keeps your head warm and looks smart,” the inventor said. “The… — Mark Jackman Copy Share Image
“When we faced Mom, we saw she was addressing Max. "We get to know each other I'll get to hug you." "Mom!"… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
“Family we cannot always choose, but it sure is fun to try and make them laugh during dinners. Especially when they are… — Tom Althouse Copy Share Image
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
“Or should I say that he is like the hand that is able to scratch your itchy parts with the perfect amount… — Memeko Arii Copy Share Image
“Ooooohh, I heard you had an STD, but I thought it was just a rumor. Does it really burn?" - Moose in… — Jillian Dodd Copy Share Image
“You've got better boobs," I acknowledged. And just as we'd done each time we'd had this boobs-versus-legs conversation, we looked down at… — Chloe Neill Copy Share Image
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix… — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
“Nancy Herman, my new gym partner and locker neighbor, puts her hand on my shoulder and whispers, "Don't worry April. I have… — Amy Holder Copy Share Image
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My favorite review described me as the cinematic equivalent of junk mail. I don't know what that means, but it sounds like… — Steve Buscemi Copy Share Image
The essence of success is that it is never necessary to think of a new idea oneself. It is far better to… — Aubrey Menen Copy Share Image
I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous… — Mose Allison Copy Share Image
“Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
