“He executed his commission with great promptitude and dispatch, only calling at one public-house for half a minute, and even that might… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“The difference between Strauss and Ranieri?” says one trader still at Salomon. “That’s easy. Strauss wouldn’t stoop to use the men’s room… — Michael Lewis Copy Share Image
If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Real cars were made here in America: Fords, Chevys, Plymouths. These were large chunks of Detroit iron - cars that had the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or… — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“I'll send three of Harnet's Di'taken. I have it on good authority that they think the sun shines out of my ass."… — Tanya Huff Copy Share Image
“It felt like an eternity before he gingerly lifted himself from the table and staggered backwards. Glass shards protruded from chest to… — Betsy Cook Speer Copy Share Image
I think there are two prevailing views of the suburbs in the States: either they're this sort of tedious place, where everyone… — Megan Abbott Copy Share Image
You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“A table for TONIGHT should certainly have been booked years before-perhaps, it was implied, by Richard's parents. A table for TONIGHT was… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Adventuring turned out to be boring. Zach thought back to all the fantasy books he'd read where a team of questers traveled… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
Cancel me not - for what then shall remain? Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes, A root or two, a torus and a… — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
Shortly after I met my mentor he asked me, ‘Mr. Rohn, how much money have you saved and invested over the last… — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
“...clearly, we're supposed to be together. If this were the internet, seventeen-year-old girls would be writing slash fiction about us as we… — Vaughn R. Demont Copy Share Image
“You’re not going to let her do this, are you?” Bones snorted. “Let her? Mate, if you think you can control a… — Jeaniene Frost Copy Share Image
“My dearest Pudding pie" I read aloud. "Yes, my little turnip?" "Hilarious," I muttered. "If you ever call me anything of the… — Jordan L. Hawk Copy Share Image
“You can crab over the morning paper and kick the shins of the guy in the next seat at the movies and… — Raymond Chandler Copy Share Image
“When I can’t find something, I try to remember what I put on top of it. Whatever I was looking for is… — Linda Armstrong Copy Share Image
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably… — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
“We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I laugh when i'm hurt. I laugh when i'm confused. I laugh when i'm angry. I laugh because others will laugh as… — Damien Buerger Copy Share Image
“Monique bit at the side of lip. “He’s pretty active, I don’t want to impose…” Tony stood and scooped up the puppy.… — Kirsten Fullmer Copy Share Image
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are… — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
“Chase had looked at the apartment—online—talked to the real estate agent—online—obtained references—online. Now, standing in the hallway, it was obvious he’d gotten… — Adrienne Wilder Copy Share Image
The best song lyrics seem to me so artful, so brilliant, so warm and humorous, with both passion and wit, that my… — David Lehman Copy Share Image
Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively;… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
“As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life: ~people applaud you incessantly.… — Michael Bassey Johnson Copy Share Image
The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowledge this. They claim membership in… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Swearing relieves the feelings - that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
![“He executed his commission with great promptitude and dispatch, only calling at one public-house for half a minute, and even that might be said to be in his way, for he went in at one door and came out at the other[.]” quote by Charles Dickens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/527/charles-dickens-34_alcoholic_he-executed-his-commission-with-great-pr_935715.jpg)
