Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I call my wife and daughter before every show and they say, 'Be funny.' — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on the board right now. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
As I mentioned we have arrested or detained over 1,000 people here in America to determine to find out what they know. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
I can only write what makes me laugh, and what makes me laugh is the comedy I grew up on. — Brendan O'Carroll Copy Share Image
If comedy can be both - silly and fun but also say something and start a dialogue - that's the most you… — Lauren Ash Copy Share Image
“It was a hot sticky night in Barcelona and all the good whores had the summer flu.” — Dan Jenkins Copy Share Image
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You don't need to curse and shout at them, instead insult them with your intelligence and sense of humor! — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the… — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
“Being productive. Ugh. It's such a human concept. It implies you have limited time (LOL) and have to work hard to make… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Timing and pace are important in any film, whether it be comedy or drama. And how better to learn the fundamentals of… — Charles Walters Copy Share Image
'The Dictator' - well, that was just a comedy, and I suppose the morality was incidental. It was just something to try… — Adeel Akhtar Copy Share Image
One of the things that comedy has given me over the years is a really good ability to laugh at myself and… — Anna Faris Copy Share Image
“All of the creatures were staring fixedly at Boots. She was standing on the back of her loyal cockroach friend, Temp, smack… — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
“When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off.… — Etienne Guerin DeForest Copy Share Image
Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
“If religion is what gives you hope and purpose, I believe in comedy.” — Cooper Bratten Copy Share Image
“Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I don't care if I'm funny. I just want people to believe I'm that guy. — Jim Piddock Copy Share Image
