“To put it another way, language is a tool box and swearing is a hammer. You can try to pound a nail… — Melissa Mohr Copy Share Image
Comedy is a difficult thing for a critic, as, unlike all other art-forms, it has an inbuilt success-o-meter: laughter. Therefore, there's no… — David Baddiel Copy Share Image
“Do you remember what we just did? Please tell me you remember what we just did." She briefly toyed with the idea… — Dianna Hardy Copy Share Image
“His adopted dad is white and Jewish, giving him full access to black jokes, white jokes, and Jewish jokes. “You’re so lucky,”… — Kenny Porpora Copy Share Image
I didn't know I was cool, but I was very flattered that some of the younger comedy writers came up to talk… — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
“THE EARL OF Hythe, who took a great deal of pride in the fact that he had never succumbed to the awkward… — Emma Jensen Copy Share Image
The best advice I could give someone trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you… — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
Stupid National Anthem... Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“Jerry thought about what a letter of recommendation from a council of wizards would look like in his resume file. "Totally secret,"… — Rick Cook Copy Share Image
“I hereby vow to take any and all death threats at face value, unless you are, in fact, trying to flirt with… — Kiersten White Copy Share Image
“Since my trips to Earth, I've only managed to assemble a few basics facts about humans, condensing them in to four, overall… — Tai Odunsi Copy Share Image
Exercise ferments the humors, casts them into their proper channels, throws off redundancies, and helps nature in those secret distributions, without which… — Joseph Addison Copy Share Image
Why would they have gone to the trouble to hire the best comedy writers in the business to write funny material for… — Burt Ward Copy Share Image
“Glaring at the doctor, Kev spoke in Romany. "Ka xlia ma pe tute" (I'm going to shit on you.) "Which means," Rohan… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
“It was apparent that the ladies vying to be Miss Colombia had to first go through a stringent competition of poise, talent,… — Bryanna Plog Copy Share Image
Yesterday I decided it would be funny to cut in to a box of Christmas crackers and take out all the original… — Ryan Swain Copy Share Image
I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“She acts like she don't like you" "She doesn't like anyone" "She likes Capitan Black", Orr reminded. "That's because he treats her… — Joseph Heller Copy Share Image
A book without potty humor is like a banana split without hot fudge. It can still be good, I suppose, but you… — Dav Pilkey Copy Share Image
“After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case of vagina elbow.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“Shoulda, woulda, coulda. They were the Three Stooges of regret. All they were good for was saying whoop-whoop-whoop and smacking each other… — Thea Harrison Copy Share Image
“To this day, the behavior of straight men is something I’ve never been able to wrap my head around. Have you ever… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
I was raised a musician and I played classic music, violin, in orchestras and music comedy theaters, I have music running around… — Larry Wall Copy Share Image
“When the nurse leaves, Doctor Rose mouths, “Act like you’re in pain.” Then she mimics a painful expression in case Summer doesn’t… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“Bluebell: Please, sir, I'm only a little [car] and I've left all my petrol on the grass. So if you don't mind… — Richard Adams Copy Share Image
“He took me in skeptically. "Darling, the ensemble is fabulous," he said, patting my hand, eyeing my black jacket, black tie, black… — Patti Smith Copy Share Image
“For Pete's sake, Quinn, you should have seen him when I was pregnant. He practically set a peacock on fire for daring… — Alyssa Day Copy Share Image
“According to NYPD figures, a contract killing could be had in Brooklyn for a mere $500. More often than not, though, people… — Bill Fitzhugh Copy Share Image
“You remember that illuminated text over the dining-room door--"The Lord Will Provide." We've painted it out, and covered the spot with rabbits.… — Jean Webster Copy Share Image
“Her descriptions will be incandescent, perfect little nuggets of phraseology, and there will probably be lots of sex in her writing -… — Susan Breen Copy Share Image
Above all, in comedy, and again and again since classical times, passages can be found in which the level of representation is… — Paul Watzlawick Copy Share Image
“he was upset. Though hopefully not at her. But upset is a funny thing. It looks for places to direct itself. It’s… — Catherine Ryan Hyde Copy Share Image
Knowledge empowers people. If people know the rules, and are sensitized by art, humor, and creativity, they are much more likely to… — Antanas Mockus Copy Share Image
There's always something interesting about comedy teams that have the exact same energy. The one time I really noticed that was Will… — Scott Aukerman Copy Share Image
“Music is crucial. Beyond no way can I overstress this fact. Let's say you're southbound on the interstate, cruising alone in the… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
“New Rule: If the guy who makes up the poll questions at CNN doesn't want to do it anymore more, he should… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“Kaien Cross: You both entered the room in the same pose! Ooh! If Yuki had seen it, she'd have been so happy!… — Matsuri Hino Copy Share Image
“I've always had these fantasies about being in a normal family in which the parents come to town and their adult daughter… — Sarah Vowell Copy Share Image
“On some days, writing is wonderful. On the days when it is wonderful, it feels like you are the God of a… — Leigh Whannell Copy Share Image
Tragedy massages the human ego even as comedy deflates it. ... Tragedy pits us against large foes and the trip wire is… — Rita Mae Brown Copy Share Image
![“Bluebell: Please, sir, I'm only a little [car] and I've left all my petrol on the grass. So if you don't mind eating the grass, sir, while I give this lady a ride- Hazel: Bluebell, shut up!” quote by Richard Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fd/richard-adams-4326_humor_bluebell-please-sir-i-m-only-a-little-ca_1721712.jpg)
