“It was not Death that stood before me but only Vernon Dickey, my father-in-law.” — Don DeLillo Copy Share Image
“It does no good to bark at the television, I said. I’ve tried it too. So he stopped.” — Mary Oliver Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. You were in the amazon rain forest yipping like a dog.” — Amy Summers Copy Share Image
“Dresses won't worn out in the wardrobe, but that is not what dresses are designed for.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you." — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
In Beautiful, Mr. Shearer writes with humor and has fun with some of the glorious nonsense of Lamarr's movies. — Jeanine Basinger Copy Share Image
“May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.” — Daniel Handler Copy Share Image
“You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry. Most people do.” — Norton Juster Copy Share Image
“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades messed up. Why is it so kinky… — Fanny Merkin Copy Share Image
“People ask me all the time, "Where do your ideas come from?" So, to clear up this question...I keep my ideas inside… — CK Webb Copy Share Image
Reality - Dreams = Animal Being Reality + Dreams = A Heart-Ache (usually called Idealism) Reality + Humor = Realism (also called… — Lin Yutang Copy Share Image
“I hope that in the final settlement of the war, you insist that the Germans retain Lorraine, because I can imagine no… — George S. Patton Jr Copy Share Image
“How did you know I was different?” “You mean besides the obvious obsidian, the alien entourage, and the branch?” He laughed. “You’re… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
“Wow." Josh stopped and ran a hand over his shaved head. "I mean, yeah, there's no beating that. That's the Usain Bolt… — Tom Ellen Copy Share Image
“LADY BRACKNELL Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
I've never been with a woman that said. And how does that make you feel that wasn't holding a clip board. — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
We're taking part in a divine comedy and we should realise that the play is always a comedy, in that we're all… — Max Hastings Copy Share Image
“Human ties are the greatest distorters of reality because they tend to conceal man’s worst selfish instincts.” — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
A joke was not a single-use item but something you brought out again and again until it fell apart in your hand… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
I trained in Shakespeare, and that's all comedy, even when it's tragedy. — Olivia Thirlby Copy Share Image
“We can't predict what's going to happen, but having love is worth the risk.” — Nina Crespo Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“your humour, madam, Gives any and everyone too easy access Into your heart. You have too many lovers Besieging you—a thing I… — Molière Copy Share Image
“If I keep sampling the goods like this my ass is going to grow another cheek to make room for all the… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I think that's my new band name," Shane said. "Asshat and Nerd Girlfriend. It's got a ring to it.” — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
“Sometimes We Think So much That We Forget That We Are Talking To Ourself” — Karan BG Copy Share Image
“Sometimes... the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person... is batshit crazy.” — Michelle Bartlett Copy Share Image
“As the doctor treated the wound, Mazer said, " I don't care how much you eat, Ender, self-cannibalism won't get you out… — Orson Scott Card Copy Share Image
I guess my sense of humour leans more towards irony and tongue-in-cheek performance. — Eliza Scanlen Copy Share Image
“I don't really know who you are, but I'd appreciate it if I never found out.” — Babe Walker Copy Share Image
In order to understand comedy, you need to understand what's sad about the world. — Ayo Edebiri Copy Share Image
“I have always understood that money made in the patent medicine business is a practical bar to social success.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Funny is a good foil. Humor is illuminating, and it also gives you power. — J. Tillman Copy Share Image
“ Just stay still, if you stay still it can't find you. That's sharks, you idiot. Sharks and dinosaurs. This isn't Jurassic Park. ” — Kelley Armstrong Copy Share Image
There's so much you can achieve with a launching pad like stand-up comedy. You can literally go from acting to hosting to… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
“Holy crap! Your story was so long I forgot the beginning! - Ichigo Kurosaki” — Tite Kubo Copy Share Image
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
