“A nonhot boy stares at you and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot… — John Green Copy Share Image
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“Death devours not only those who have been cooked by old age; it also feasts on those who are half-cooked and even… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When we realize finally that we aren't God's given children, we'll understand satire. Humor is really laughing off a hurt, grinning at… — Bill Mauldin Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Any band that doesn't have a sense of humor has a little bit of a problem. — Jens Lekman Copy Share Image
“You look and sound like you could you use a stiff one."--Mark Willburn” — Madison Sevier Copy Share Image
“It's tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to!” — Comic Strip Mama Copy Share Image
My approach to comedy is that whenever it comes to me, I write it. With 'The Daily Show,' you have to write… — Ronny Chieng Copy Share Image
I think 'Piranha' won't be in the guilty-pleasure category, because it's gonna be - well, yeah, maybe for some people. From what… — Adam Scott Copy Share Image
“You can't spell "parentry" without "try." Of course, you'll make a few mistakes. The important thing is that the mistakes you make… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“She was of traditional build herself, but her figure was largely concealed by the folds of a generously cut shift dress made… — Alexander McCall Smith Copy Share Image
Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before.… — Aries Spears Copy Share Image
“Needy people are like newborns, I have come to realize. One intoxicated night and BAM! You are stuck with this problem. You… — Chase Brooks Copy Share Image
“Sissy had two great failings. She was a great lover and a great mother. She had so much of tenderness in her,… — Betty Smith Copy Share Image
Dude. Post-apocalyptic world. Who does job applications anymore?” “I do.” I squint at it, then him. “What are you paying me?” I… — Karen Marie Moning Copy Share Image
If a man's able to laugh about himself, that's good. You can be in love with a man or share his bed,… — Sylvia Hoeks Copy Share Image
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen — Fred Allen Copy Share Image
What is funny about us is precisely that we take ourselves too seriously. — Reinhold Niebuhr Copy Share Image
In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy. — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
I have always employed humor, and I think it's absolutely crucial that we do because, among other things, humor is the only… — Gloria Steinem Copy Share Image
Sarina can be serious at times, but she's also funny. She makes us laugh a lot on the training ground with her… — Alex Greenwood Copy Share Image
If people only knew how much I secretly hated them, they'd love me for holding it in. — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I want to do different projects and be versatile. I don't want to get fixed into narrative comedy. — Jason Gann Copy Share Image
What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly what may be described as a sense… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Natalie Wood — Natalie Wood Copy Share Image
As comedy presents the vital rhythm of self-preservation, tragedy exhibits that of self-consummation. — Susanne Katherina Langer Copy Share Image
Ask me who I think is really good at comedy, it is Akshay Kumar. He has his own niche and makes me… — Arshad Warsi Copy Share Image
“When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke, But sometimes life is scary and dark. That… — Adventure Time Copy Share Image
“Arthur lay in startled stillness on the acceleration couch. He wasn't certain whether he had just got space-sickness or religion.” — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
“You don’t know me.” “I know you’re not used to people telling you no.” “Never more than once.” — Shawn Wickersheim Copy Share Image
“If anyone uses the words 'marvelous imagery' or 'narrative arc,' slap them for me.” — Liane Moriarty Copy Share Image
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but whoever looks at it when it has been in the house three days ? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. (Face palm!)” — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“Painted on shirts went over so well I thought, why not painted on pants? Well, the big shot manager at Krusty Burger… — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“The first moment someone calls for a revolution is usually the last moment I take them seriously.” — Chuck Klosterman Copy Share Image
Humor is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. — Malcolm Muggeridge Copy Share Image
“... she reflects for a moment and then mutters to herself, 'Maybe that shithead’s right? Maybe God does hate Buffalo?” — Dave Lundy Copy Share Image
