“I'm an acquired taste, he assured her, displaying one dimple, but addictive.” — Stephanie Bond Copy Share Image
Young Frank Pastore may have pitched the biggest victory of 1979. Maybe the biggest victory of the year! — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“As far as he could remember, Sam slept through the night in deep content, if logs are contented.” — J.R.R. Tolkien Copy Share Image
“You’d have to take the good with the awesome to make tong-mates outta us.” — Daniel Thorman Copy Share Image
Comedy will always be central to what I do, it's just an instinct for me, but I am a writer and always… — Ben Elton Copy Share Image
“My main regret in life is that there is no MacArthur Fellowship awarded in the field of Panda Satire.” — Anne Belov Copy Share Image
Upgrade to the better health insurance plan in case your suicide attempt doesn't go so well. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters. — Jerry O'Connell Copy Share Image
This morning the electricity came on for a few minutes, and when it did, Jonny said, "Hey, it's a black-on." This is… — Susan Beth Pfeffer Copy Share Image
The only way I'd want to do something in television would be if it was about how I think as a comedian.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Comedy is one genre that I really want to come my way because I was loved for my funny character in 'Khiladi… — Himesh Reshammiya Copy Share Image
There are three things in life which are real: God, human folly and laughter. Since the first two are beyond our comprehension,… — John F. Kennedy Copy Share Image
When I first started comedy, I didn't know about the alt scene and I just started doing open mics in Manhattan and… — Rachel Sennott Copy Share Image
In high school, you re either a bully, a jock or a nerd, and I somehow tried to jump between camps by… — David Hewlett Copy Share Image
“Are you mad?" I ask. "I was." He glances at the ceiling then back at me. "Or confused, anyway. The whole thing… — Jody Gehrman Copy Share Image
“The cops got out of the car and came straight towards me. My first thought was, How hypocritical… They head straight for… — Bella Shadow Copy Share Image
No one will ever ask me to sing because it's beautiful. My secret is hiding my musicianship behind humor. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
As a comedian, I am attracted to truths that are uncomfortable. I like funny bummers. — Adam Conover Copy Share Image
“Were the stars against him? A woman's fingers are quicker in the sky and shine more brightly.” — Graham Spaid Copy Share Image
My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk,… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
“you're kidding," i said. "i'm thinking about plans for doomsday, and you're worried about being late to a dance?” — serpent's shadow Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
There are lots of actors, and you need a way to stand out. Writing comedy sketches was a way of doing that. — Sharon Horgan Copy Share Image
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers? — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent. — Antoine Rivarol Copy Share Image
There is no better taste than this: someone else’s laughter in your mouth. — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
The students at Yale came from all different backgrounds and all parts of the country. Within months, I knew many of them. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“Newton screamed when he felt them begin to crawl over his scrotum and try to wiggle between his buttocks” — Jonathan Maberry Copy Share Image
“If I had seen pictures of people eating each other on the wall, I would've told him I was into cannibalism.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“You're not celibate, then?" I breathe. Amusement lights up his eyes. "No, Anastasia, I'm not celibate.” — E.L. James Copy Share Image
“Cottage cheese, broken down into its simplest form, is milk that has been curdled to mimic the cellulite its consumption is meant… — Elsie Love Copy Share Image
As long as I get to be doing what I love, which is making comedy and that kind of thing, I feel… — Andy Samberg Copy Share Image
“If I were pressed, I would admit that she was beautiful, in a dead bride sort of way.” — Melika Dannese Lux Copy Share Image
“The Bat Phone to the Universe," some kind of Iva-only, open-round-the-clock special channel to the divine.” — Elizabeth Gilbert Copy Share Image
I want to be able to infuse some youthful energy and comedy while appreciating the generations before. — Neil Patrick Harris Copy Share Image
A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
“I was sitting in an empty classroom, when this dude comes in and asks," what's up ?" Hey, man. Just in a… — Danial Shamsi Copy Share Image
I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
“Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night." "And here I thought maybe I dreamed it," Prophet muttered sarcastically.” — S.E. Jakes Copy Share Image
The senator has got to understand if he's going to have - he can't have it both ways. He can't take the… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
