“Everyone is a moon and has a dark side, which he never shows to anyone. Mark Twain” — David Nelson Copy Share Image
“When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake." Florence Ditlow, in "The Bakery Girls.” — Florence Ditlow Copy Share Image
“Life is meaning less when you realized that you are about to die. Till then, everything negative however trifle they may be,… — Ankur Basu Roy Copy Share Image
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
“I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
My memoirs are full of humor, I had to change jokes because it was a little too dark. — Marina Abramovic Copy Share Image
Laziness is a disease created by humans but ironically it comes in a beautiful, addictive form that prisons you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I'm a novelist first, and I wrote a bunch of books, and everything I write, I just find people are more interesting… — Jonathan Tropper Copy Share Image
“ Constance: Tell me, what happened to William's little maid? I never saw her again after that dinner. Mary Maceachran: Elsie? --… — Julian Fellowes Copy Share Image
“The basis of love that most people share is the intimacy they developed with their partners, the intensity of their attraction, or… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
“The human brain comprises 70% water, which means it's a similar consistency to tofu. Picture that for a second - a blob… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“A new doctor had been sent for, Lazzaro of Pavia, who had administered to Lorenzo a pulverized mixture of diamonds and pearls.… — Irving Stone Copy Share Image
“No matter how grouchy you're feeling, you'll find the smile more or less healing. It grows in a wreath all around the… — Anthony Euwer Copy Share Image
“It seems like James really doesn’t like you, Siobhan.” “Nah. He’s just mad at me because I didn't call him back after… — R.J. Morse Copy Share Image
“At the departure gate, a drunken airport security woman was handing out box cutters to the passengers.” — Warren Ellis Copy Share Image
“I’ve written for the waste basket so often that we’ve become friends. He writes too, but it’s mostly garbage.” — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
“Don’t take everything for granted, and do not always count on finding everything you need.” — Larry Herzberg Copy Share Image
I want to do comedy, I want to do horror, I want to do all these other things. — Bria Vinaite Copy Share Image
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I don't consider myself, you know, in real life one of those funny guys. My comedy comes through my work, — Eugene Levy Copy Share Image
I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If You Stay In Good Terms With Your Landlord, You Will Never Build Your Own House. — Mercy Pheona Copy Share Image
“The comedy of the wicked, Is the tragedy of the saint; But the saint’s comedy, Is the wicked’s remedy.” — Stephan Attia Copy Share Image
“Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett.” — Seth Grahame-Smith Copy Share Image
Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was. — Jenny McCarthy Copy Share Image
There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly. — Richard Armour Copy Share Image
Humor comes in all forms, and everyone has their cup of tea about what makes them laugh. But the day we censor… — Marlee Matlin Copy Share Image
WARINIG my sense of humor may offend you I suggest you get the fuck over it. — Thewomenizer Copy Share Image
One thing I learned from his holiness the Dali Lama is the importance of humor. — Marina Abramovic Copy Share Image
I think you need to have the guts to not use comedy. Often, the people that work in comedy use a joke… — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
“Oh yes," said Nanny Piggins. "I can regale people with anecdotes from my sordid past and think at the same time.” — R.A. Spratt Copy Share Image
“You know... You're still my boss... Which means... This is sexual harassment... Oh really? I guess I’ll have to fire you then.” — Alexandra V Copy Share Image
“What's in your head is more important than what's on your head." - THE WIG: Crazy Summer” — Renata Suerth Copy Share Image
Doing comedy takes much lesser toll on you as a person. The overall exertion is not as much as a serious film… — Kirti Kulhari Copy Share Image
Normal person flirting: Hey babe(: what's goin on? Me flirting: Your face. I like that sh*t. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things that I keep to myself!! — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
“I think it's 'only polite' that my wife should let me know when she's entertaining a male visitor, furthermore one that has… — Charlaine Harris Copy Share Image
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you laugh for no reason than you need medicine — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
