Humor Quotes · Page 508

“I was six and bushes were cool.” “Well, if I ever see a cool bush, I’ll point it in your direction.”

— Rebecca L. Ethington

“choose one of thousand reasons and strengthened it with thousand more reasons”

— Senda Gurau

There's obviously a lot of tragedy in comedy; I really enjoy the paradox of what a really good comedy is.

— Ellen Page

“I am perfectly qualified to give you an injection. You're not going to tell me you're afraid of a little prick?" "I…

— Anthony Horowitz

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".

— Milton Jones

“Come to think of it, she did not speak a word. Yet I could have sworn she had the most beautiful voice.”

— Julie Klassen

It takes patience to listen... It takes skill to pretend that you are actually listening.

— Nikhil Saluja

“Remove God from the world of ideas. Remove government, politics from society. Keep sex, humor, utilities. Let private property go.”

— John Cage

It did not look like the work of God, but it might have represented the handicraft of a God with a joyous…

— Pat Conroy

Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities, a sense of humor, a sense of style, a willingness to be…

— Wentworth Miller

“GET IN" he says, getting in on the driver side. I get in with no questions. Okay. This is a bad movie…

— Sara Daniell

“Chana knows, I wondered sometimes how I raised that child without strangling her. By age six, [Jasnah] was pointing out my logical…

— Brandon Sanderson

“I have a little boy, younger than you, who knows six Psalms by heart: and when you ask him which he would…

— Charlotte Bronte

I've experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn't do very well. And there are times when something I…

— Carrot Top

“They don't make morgues with windows. In fact, if the geography allows for it, they hardly ever make morgues above the ground.…

— Jim Butcher

For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things…

— Demetri Martin

“Charles stepped forward, looking outraged. 'Him?' he cried. 'But I clobbered him! You can't marry him, Ally.”

— Marissa Doyle

I like to find comedy or something interesting to look at with whatever I'm working on.

— Taika Waititi

Every teacher that I've ever had, that I still remember their name, made me laugh. I feel like comedy is the best…

— Tiffany Haddish

When a person says white girls can't twerk, my reply is They twerk better than white guys…if you ask me.

— Angel_eyes

I love Eminem! I LIKE SKITTLES BETTER No, the rapper you idiot... YOU'RE THE IDIOT, WHATS SO GOOD ABOUT AN M&M WRAPPER...?

— Anonymous

“Elevators are supposed to smell like urine. That's what make the jazz playing through the overhead speakers sound more authentic.”

— Jarod Kintz

Hopefully, one enhances [when growing older] his sense of humor. As he approaches 50, he'll need all the humor he can get.

— Henry Rollins

'Trek' is probably more cerebral and philosophical. 'Stargate' does seat-of-the-pants adventure and humor better.

— Robert Picardo

I like food and sleep. So if I give you my food, or text you late at night, you are special to…

— Anonymous

All comedy is really talking about social issues and things that are affecting our lives.

— Tom Green

“Strumming a ukulele just right can make you sound like a pro, even if you only know one chord.”

— Wilson Villanueva

I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt.

— Dave Barry

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting…

— Woody Allen

Someone who didn't do comedy might think it was awful to have someone talking about you. But I just love the attention,…

— Sara Pascoe

I've always had a sense of humour, and I still do, so I just want to go on performing as long as…

— Norman Wisdom

“We have just discovered our dear colleague butchered in a hotel room, and you wish to discuss literature?”

— Rick Yancey

“If I’m going down, I’m going down with lipstick on.” ~Maggie Mae Castro”

— Beth Yarnall

“Reyna looked at Percy without much hope. “You do have a plan?” Percy wanted to step forward bravely and say, No, I…

— Rick Riordan

“There'd be no molecules, no chemistry and, hence, no life without static cling.”

— James Kakalios

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.

— Voltaire

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

— A. Whitney Brown

“There is a reason why we laugh TF Out Loud, either shit is funny as hello. Are people just acting stupid”

— Dianerste Ross

“Her whisper was, Lyman thought, like a Marlin ripping all the line out of a fishing rod.”

— Joe Coomer

“a quien en el cantón conocíamos como 'eligio', para no tener que decirle eligio de puta.”

— Anonymous