Humor Quotes · Page 499

“If Fran Lebowitz and Ian Fleming had blessed the world with a love child it would have been author J. Fields Jr.”

— Edward Medina

I like romantic comedy as a genre, but I think it can get stuck in its ways.

— Zooey Deschanel

I thought I should forget Hollywood and go back to Hong Kong. I'm so lucky that finally Hollywood accepts my comedy fighting.

— Jackie Chan

I felt that mainstream comedy caters to men and people don't even notice.

— Rose Matafeo

“Maybe I should follow someone considering my next book is titled stalked.”

— Juanita Ray

Isn't it funny how people find it hilarious when they treat peoplelike crap, but gets so offended when someone does it back…

— Anonymous

“There were a few things scarier than a bipolar vampire off his meds, but to be honest, not that many.”

— Rachel Caine

The day of the wedding went like these things generally do, full of anxious moments interspersed with black comedy.

— Janet Street-Porter

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. Once again he was close. Too close. So damn close. “At all,” she…

— Jill Shalvis

“So, what you're saying is that I bring out your book - wielding, short tempered side?" He hooked his foot through the…

— Lani Woodland

“This is where the privileged send their screwed-up progeny; no gluing macaroni to construction paper for us." He paused meaningfully. "They only…

— Michelle Hodkin

I do miss the rhythms of comedy. And I've never been able to perform very well without an audience. The sitcoms I've…

— Dick Van Dyke

It's funny, because I was trained as a dramatic actor at New York's Colonnades Theater Lab in the '70s, along with Jeff…

— Peter Scolari

“Lassiter hit pause and clamped a hard hand on his shoulder."Sit the fuck back. Watch and learn." "What? How much I hate…

— J.R. Ward

“Now I know thinking is not your strong suit, but look on the bright side, at least you'll have this little puzzler…

— Jessica Verdi

“She couldn't or simply wouldn't understand why I wanted to sleep all the time, and she was always rubbing my nose in…

— Ottessa Moshfegh

Men and women are like cats and dogs. I've learned more about myself from women. My comedy is based on this.

— Brad Garrett

“I was going to write a sharp witty email full of devastating one-liners but I suspect you want something nicer than that”

— Lucy Robinson

“Just remember, this is a collaborative effort. We don't have time for creative differences or outbreaks of artistic integrity.”

— Greg Cox

“rolf! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there for a sec while I KICK YOUR…

— David Levithan

I think great humor lies in playing the truth of a situation. I see myself as a performer and that applies to…

— Brendan Coyle

“Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over. ”

— Brian Andreas

Humor is important. Nothing against bands that are always a downer, but the reality is - it just becomes theater.

— Kurt Vile

“The idea is to get your life to where it is doable, manageable, and somewhat in order.”

— Art Hochberg

“They say opposites attract. Nobody ever said opposites live happily ever after.”

— Linda Morris

It's like life: you have both comedy and drama. There's a balance, and I'm lucky enough to have it in my work.

— Carol Kane

“Alwys do somthing new...Which make you alive thousands of year in memories of people as a legendary..!!!”

— Adeeb shaikh

Rob and I both have this strange sense of comedy which always involves us being the butt of our own jokes.

— Ayda Field

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

— George Carlin

I like to use big words so people will think I know what I'm talking about.

— Jerry Coleman

“Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it.”

— Andrew Smith

“As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?”

— Josh Stern

In comedy, if you don't have the right tuning with your co-actor, the humour can fall flat.

— Jacqueline Fernandez

If I lean towards one particular party, people would not enjoy my comedy. Also, to enter politics, I should first leave cinema…

— Vivek

“Ingrid shrugged...like Marie Antoinette hearing about the starving peasants.”

— Peter Abrahams

“MURRY:[Father] Time is kind of a big deal and I'd rather not tick him off. MOLLY: Heh. Tick.”

— Hillary DePiano

“Subtle wits like to refresh themselves with a whiff of mild indecency.”

— Robertson Davies

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

— Flip Wilson

“I am a loser in my own plot, but I might be the hero in someone else's plot.”

— Vann Chow

The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of…

— Josh Billings