Humor Quotes · Page 498

Humor (is) the process that allows one to brush reality aside when it gets too distressing.

— Andre Breton

“I didn't mean to offend," he quickly adds. "Then, what exactly did you mean to say?”

— Dhonielle Clayton

“That civet-jasmine blend you're wearing tonight absolutely clashes with the third-level formal style of your dress, you know.”

— Lois McMaster Bujold

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

— Fred Allen

On the show-biz ladder, comedy may only be the fifth rung, but it's the most popular.

— Soupy Sales

The world would be a nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. And it would be even better if some of…

— Anonymous

'Monkey Island 2' was a huge game for me. It kind of taught me all about comedy.

— Bryan Lee O'Malley

“I’m glad she’s so smitten with her new huntsman boyfriend and all, but venison-wurst? Gag me with a harpsichord.”

— Nicki Elson

I look at my women with a Shakespearean element too - the variant of emotions they are capable of - it's not…

— Miles Aldridge

Vanity was the beginning and the end of Sir Walter Elliot's character; vanity of person and of situation. He had been remarkably…

— Jane Austen

“Late twenties, single, female. Do the math. Flirty flings were fabulous until you hit the big three-O, all downhill from there. Biological…

— Nicola Marsh

“There is much in our culture to affront the eye of the fervent terrorist postulant, things out there that do us no…

— David Rakoff

“There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one. In fact…

— Terry Pratchett

“The Latin word for sausage was botulus, from which English gets two words. One of them is the lovely botuliform, which means…

— Mark Forsyth

“That's No'-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock, mistress,' said Not-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock. 'Ye were one jock short,' he added helpfully.”

— Terry Pratchett

“President Grant sent a note to Golden. The note read that there was a member of the stake presidency from Coalville, who…

— James Kimball

“If there is a necessary talks, do not turn into businesses because pocket where business started.”

— Deh Gel

You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a…

— Dane Cook

“Goodness, a girl steps out of the office for a couple days and the whole world ends!”

— A.J. Lauer

When you see a married guy talking to himself, he's just reliving an argument he's already lost.

— Anonymous

“Hugging your cat can make you very happy, provided she doesn't scratch you.”

— Wilson Villanueva

I consider myself a sit-down comedian really, as much as anything else. I love comedy. Life is a cosmic joke.

— Robert Wyatt

“I was once told that flying involves long hours of boredom, interrupted by moments of extreme fright.”

— Franklin W. Dixon

A day without laughter is like living in darkness; you try to find your way around, but you can't see clearly.

— Emily Mitchell

As a kid, I loved 'Godot' because of the poetry and the humor and the strangeness, but then as you get older,…

— Nathan Lane

Over the years, I've learned that a sense of humor is the only skill that allows you to turn sucking at life…

— Zach Anner

“Ann did detention like Whitney Houston did cocaine—frequently and without consideration of the consequences.”

— Sage Steadman

“Maybe taming my tongue will be good for me in the end. But it's pretty hard when you've got a world filled…

— A.J. Jacobs

Romney is not funny. When he tries to be, it often comes across as awkward.

— Ana Navarro

You know, in the suburbs, most people believe in gravity, but they don't have much of a sense of humor.

— Paul Laffoley

In my sick brain, gruesome violence and comedy go as hand-to-hand together as anything else in the world.

— Seth Rogen

If I tried to do comedy for the rest of my career, I would not be very successful.

— Will Poulter

“While he was charming and capable of great humor in public, in private, Bezos could bite an employee’s head right off.”

— Brad Stone

“You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk…

— Joss Whedon

“Sillyhead, Sam said. Are you kidding! You’ve been raised by pirates. Remember!”

— Patricia Mather Parker

My daughter Fathima is a bigger comedian than me. She makes me laugh all the time.

— Ali

“You’re taking the bus around Burbank?” Lester said. “Christ, Perry, this is Los Angeles. Even homeless people drive cars.”

— Cory Doctorow

I've always thought the word cow was funny. And cows are sort of tragic figures. Cows blur the line between tragedy and…

— Gary Larson

“There have to be a few perks to being king of Faerie or no one would want the job.”

— Sarah Delena White

“I'm so hot that I'm willingly get with myself, I just don't know how. What do you say to do that for…

— Rick Riordan