By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn't believe me. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
“If you let your heart rule you, you’ll have a good ruler by which to measure things. This can be called wisdom.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“...I looked at the place with my heart beating as I had known it to do in the dentist's parlor.” — Henry James Copy Share Image
“Don't be stupid. You sound like his girlfriend. - Wesley Jefferson Lincoln” — Kami Garcia Copy Share Image
I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon! — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I could say I don't like dating, but its more like, I backed over this glass slipper with my car and somebody… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“I’m going to tell you something once and then whether you die is strictly up to you," Westley said, lying pleasantly on… — William Goldman Copy Share Image
“Once she called to invite me to a concert of Liszt piano concertos. The soloist was a famous South American pianist. I… — Haruki Murakami Copy Share Image
“Never repaired, his glasses looked as if they'd been thrown at his face, dirty grayish lumps of Reba's sticking plaster holding the… — T.C. Boyle Copy Share Image
You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A lot of people think that comedy is sort of a cop out to not wrestling seriously, but I actually would argue… — Kenny Omega Copy Share Image
“Do you see those dull stars?" She outlined the formation with her finger. "A pentagram," whispered Scott. "Yes, but not just any… — Katie Mattie Copy Share Image
“ Namaste , Prince of Naga-loka. I'm grateful. You're a fine fellow." He stuck out his tongue and grinned wickedly. "For a… — Lloyd Alexander Copy Share Image
“Laughter paves the way for many things. It's one way to build intimacy between people, something every healthy team needs. Humor has… — Berkun, Scott Copy Share Image
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My father was a very funny man, and one of my strongest recollections is hearing him laugh. He didn't like people who… — Mike Myers Copy Share Image
The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able to be able to quote another's wit. — Christian Nestell Bovee Copy Share Image
That's the great thing about a sense of humor and a sex drive, you can't wait to share it with everybody else. — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
I love hanging around folks that love to crack jokes and pay their bills lol, and must love Baskin Robbins lol ctfu — Joe Collins Jr Copy Share Image
Comedy is a shared experience, and I think it's great to open that to a wide demographic. — Dave Coulier Copy Share Image
For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest). — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky. — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
I haven't done much comedy; I would love to. I love doing dramatic roles, but I'd love to do comedy. I think… — Richard Harmon Copy Share Image
There are some men who are witty when they are in a bad humor, and others only when they are sad. — Joseph Joubert Copy Share Image
“I pointed at Wireman's forehead. "This is your brain," I said. Then I pointed at my easel. "This is your brain on… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Laughter and irony are at heart reminders that we are not prisoners in this world, but voyagers through it. — Eben Alexander Copy Share Image
The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I definitely need a girl that has a good sense of humor because there are some girls that are just very uptight. — Romeo Santos Copy Share Image
“Ah yes! I'm feeling a powerful energy through my bullshit chokra. - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy” — E.J. Eisman Copy Share Image
Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world LIFE IN PLASTIC it's fantastic. OH SHUT THE FUCK UP — Barbie Copy Share Image
“Relaxing is hard to do at times. Worrying and agitation are even harder on the body and mind.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“Love's a funny thing, especially with a man who gets paid to put junk in other people's slots. (The Mail Man)” — Andrew Sturm Copy Share Image
I like the word Anti Psychotic it sounds like a movement against 'Norman Bates'. — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
Dali had a good sense of humor - obviously you could tell just looking at him; he was funny. — Joe Grant Copy Share Image
You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses. — Karel Capek Copy Share Image
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
