Humor Quotes · Page 502

When you do comedy shows, you usually don't finish until about 11 P.M. Then you have this adrenaline dump, and you get…

— Ronny Chieng

“Me? I go wherever the wind blows…and wherever the whiskey shots are half price.”

— Nicki Elson

I don't really think of myself as quirky; I have sort of an unusual sense of humor.

— Kyle MacLachlan

“This little thing" making a triangle between the three-"ain't gonna fly”

— Wendy Higgins

“Remember to remember: sometimes your adversary is your biggest asset. Where would David be without Goliath? Jesus without Judas?”

— Brandi L. Bates

Love is the remedy of all problems, misunderstandings become jokes, insults become humor, a perfect relationship.

— Dielnov Muchati

I now have a new reason for living. It is my life's goal to make my girlfriend laugh so hard that she…

— Rock Cowles

David Ayer is known for being a very serious filmmaker, but he has a very great sense of humor.

— Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

“It was a well-known fact that Lorna was leaving in six months’ time, since Lorna had been leaving in six months’ time…

— Danielle Wood

Feature-length film comedy is harder to pull off than the episodic sitcom - it doesn't have the same factory machinery up and…

— James Wolcott

“There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again…

— Andrew Hussie

“Exiting the building, we shield our eyes with our hands and raise our voices. The wind has really picked up and is…

— Giorge Leedy

“The indignation school of writers never tires of pointing out the millions that are stolen in the Street. But while the millions…

— Fred Schwed Jr

If someone asked, 'What are your films like?,' the best I can come up with is that they're, like, a fine balance…

— Taika Waititi

I think comedy has to be an intellectual pursuit. It comes down to logic and analysis. As soon as it becomes emotional,…

— Ricky Gervais

Horror is like comedy. Woody Allen's comedy is going to be very different from Ben Stiller's comedy which is going to be…

— Eli Roth

I don't think I'm a funny person in general. I have had to learn comedy.

— Ashton Kutcher

“A totally befuddled voter may look at a Vote for McGovern sign and do just that.”

— Hunter S. Thompson

“Tragedy is just comedy that hasn’t come to fruition. One day we will laugh at this. We will laugh at everything.”

— Matt Haig

“Wilson? He thinks she goes to see her sister in New York. He's so dumb he doesn't know he's alive.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

“His name is Tyson? I hate to break it to you, but you dated a brand of chicken.”

— Gena Showalter

I feel that if you can play on the streets or in a comedy club, then in a theatre it's a doddle…

— Simon McBurney

“Words to a writer is like notes to a musician, both know when they are off key.”

— June Davidson

I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

— Tommy Cooper

There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE.

— Anonymous

Every witticism is an inexact thought; that which is perfectly true is imperfectly witty.

— Walter Savage Landor

If laying in my bed for the rest of the day is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

— Anonymous

“Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.”

— Terry Pratchett

We are very good Lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for others' mistakes.

— Nishan Panwar

I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps…

— Shane Black

“Elizabeth Sarah Kowalski!" "Whoa," Evan said in a low voice. "How bad does a word have to be to get you middle-named…

— Shannon Stacey

Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through…

— Henry Ward Beecher

People say everything happens for a reason... well when I punch you in the face remember that happened for a reason!

— Anonymous

“Don’t mock my suggestions, Ridley – one day in the near future, they might just save your life.” Maxwell D. Kalist.”

— Carla H Krueger

People often think that you have a sense of humor because you think that life is funny. Life isn't funny at all.…

— Howard Jacobson

I've been lucky enough to play many different roles from darker characters to family orientated shows to comedy.

— Andrew-Lee Potts

“I was only twenty-five, much to young to die. Probably about the right age to become a complete hypochondriac, however.”

— Kylie Scott

“You’re not as sexy as I think you are.” She squinted. Wait. That hadn’t come out right.”

— Thea Harrison

“Karma is quite a resilient fellow. No matter what...he'll come back time after time and bite you right back in your assets!:)…

— Timothy Pina

“Well, I'd find sleeping with you a pleasant thing, but I'd prefer making love with you a few dozen times first.”

— Nora Roberts