My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Want to scare every guy you know this Halloween? Dress as a replacement ref. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What is that *smell*?" Eliot shook his head. "I keep telling you, it's fresh air.” — Keith R.A. DeCandido Copy Share Image
Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change? — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Comedy, unlike drama, demands surprise. You can't quietly and thoughtfully enjoy a comedy. — Craig Mazin Copy Share Image
“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.” — Lewis Carroll Copy Share Image
I wonder how awkward would having a conversation with someone be if 'lol' didn't exist. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“Louis-Cesare slowly pulled himself into a half-standing position against the side of the winery.'What? Did you think one little mage was going… — Karen Chance Copy Share Image
“The way to get a deciduous hedge for free is to ask a neighbor to let you take divisions from his shrubs.… — Cassandra Danz Copy Share Image
“Know your audience! With the high level of cultural sensitivity these days, it is often better to err on the side of… — Susan C. Young Copy Share Image
“Hacker with Bullhorn: "Save your money! Accept one of our free tanks! It is invulnerable, and can drive across rocks and swamps… — Neal Stephenson Copy Share Image
“These golf people seem unnaturally obsessed. They dress kind of funny too, and it's become a running joke for Gretchen and I… — Shawn Klomparens Copy Share Image
You can be zany and funny or you can do something that really has some depth to it and serious, so there's… — Jim Carrey Copy Share Image
“You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and… — Alan Moore Copy Share Image
It's a tremendous feeling walking on to a set with a live audience and making them laugh, but I love drama, and… — Julia Sawalha Copy Share Image
“A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don't later fray.” — Marcia Carrington Copy Share Image
I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person. — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
What I love about the Coen brothers - what everyone loves - is that they sort of toe the line of a… — Cristin Milioti Copy Share Image
“Am I going crazy? Am I supposed to believe that God is a big black woman with a questionable sense of humor?” — Wm. Paul Young Copy Share Image
“Men, she decided, were a strange, thick-skulled, ball-kicking species no one on earth could have a sensible conversation with.” — Irma Joubert Copy Share Image
“Sure he (Fred Astaire) was great, but don't forget that Ginger Rogers did everything he did,..backwards and in high heels.” — Robert Thaves Copy Share Image
“The bonds of friendship dwindle with age, Oliver. But a little blackmail lasts forever.” — Stephen Hunt Copy Share Image
I couldn't be in a relationship without equality, generosity, integrity, spirit, kindness and humor. And awesomeness. — Jennifer Aniston Copy Share Image
I would love to do some more comedy. I would love to do some silliness. I would love to do some characters… — Kari Matchett Copy Share Image
“Do you know about Thor's Hammer? (Points to Bicep) Well, that's it right here.” — Peter Charles Melman Copy Share Image
“As for your back rubs... Study an anatomy book, pal, because what you've been rubbing isn't my back.” — Susan Elizabeth Phillips Copy Share Image
My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“No time better than the present,’ I always say. Or was that, ‘Nothing is better than a present’? I forget.” — Kaza Kingsley Copy Share Image
I'm not playing a comedy. I want to be playing the truth of the moment, and then have the comedy come out. — Zooey Deschanel Copy Share Image
“From my travel blog @ http://www.lwmcferrin.com/travel When faced with disaster, the best medicine is laughter.” — Linda Watanabe McFerrin Copy Share Image
The qualities I am looking for in Miss Right are intelligence and humour. — Brendan Coyle Copy Share Image
As somebody who works in comedy, I gravitate to the very serious, dramatic things in my consumption of media. — Lauren Ash Copy Share Image
The habit of staring at someone can lead to one of these consequences; iether intense addiction or falling inlove...:| — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I use to think that my foot was far too big to fit in my mouth. But I am wrong. Apparently my… — T Jay Taylor Copy Share Image
I feel like I'm edgy and I'm funny and I got this bite, this outrageousness. — George C. Wolfe Copy Share Image
“I am going to die, her brain recited calmly. I am going to be stabbed until I am died. How infuriating. I… — Claire Legrand Copy Share Image
Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog few people are interested, and the frog dies. — Alan Ford Copy Share Image
Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“Helen makes a mental note to pick up a self help book the next time she was out. This was getting ridiculous.” — Solange nicole Copy Share Image
