“The man gave Dodger a cursory glance that had quite a lot of curse in it.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“If I thought Fridays were awesome when I was a full-time student, they’re downright euphoric now that I’m part of the regular… — Lauren Layne Copy Share Image
“If you want to save your child from polio, you can pray or you can inoculate. ... Choose science.” — Carl Sagan Copy Share Image
“I just don't— Ronan. My ears are bleeding!" Ronan turned down the music.” — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
“The Bloodsucker Queen has lived for what, a millennium? She can wait on her decaying ass a little while longer.” — Heather Heffner Copy Share Image
Learn good-humor, never to oppose without just reason; abate some degree of pride and moroseness. — Isaac Watts Copy Share Image
“Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous… — Scott B. Pruden Copy Share Image
If I died in my sleep, you can actually say that I died doing what I loved. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“ This is why they say you should look before you leap. They say a lot of things. Carpe diem. Even platitudes… — Swati Avasthi Copy Share Image
When I first came to America, I went into William Morris Endeavor for a meeting and I was like, "Yeah, I'm from… — Rebel Wilson Copy Share Image
“How did you get out of the suicide door?" Her disbelief was a living, pettable thing. "Magic." Her eyes narrowed. "There is… — Dia Reeves Copy Share Image
“I'm sure lovely girls such as yourselves need not worry about this"—Madame LaRoche begins, and I have a hunch we're about to… — Amy McAuley Copy Share Image
“The inexplicable is always terrifying. But it wouldn't be so frightening if you stopped to ask yourself whether there's ever been any… — Ayn Rand Copy Share Image
I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
“The sound of laughter is like the vaulted dome of a temple of happiness, "that delectable trance of happiness, that ultimate peak… — Milan Kundera Copy Share Image
“The second rule of improvisation is not only to say yes, but YES, AND. You are supposed to agree and then _add… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
“Have you noticed that even the busiest people are never too busy to take time to tell you how busy they are?” — Bob Talbert Copy Share Image
“ 'If he wasn't such an ass I wouldn't have to be such a dick. It's a give and take thing.' ” — Lynn Kelling Copy Share Image
“Another note to self; turn cellphone to silent when you’re trying to be sneaky.” — Suzie Ivy Copy Share Image
My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death.… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
“You don’t think that perhaps you have anger management issues?” “Punching people is managing my anger.” — Suzanne Wright Copy Share Image
“We’re all odd balls; some people are just better at pretending to be even” — Benny Bellamacina Copy Share Image
I did a lot of sitcoms, and being funny isn't about being beautiful. Usually, beautiful people aren't the funny people. — Maura Tierney Copy Share Image
Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I think there's something about the Irish experience - that we had to have a sense of humor or die. — Frank McCourt Copy Share Image
“Love means never to have to say, "That hooker meant nothing to me" - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy” — E.J. Eisman Copy Share Image
“Nobody understood why opposites attracted, and anybody who said they did was probably selling a book.” — Lynn Blackmar Copy Share Image
“Books are the safest and greatest mind-altering substances in the world. But be safe; don't read and drive.” — H.E. Fairbanks Copy Share Image
I think we have different value systems." —Arthur "Well mine's better." —Ford — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
“I mean when you really, really, really think about it, the whole trip is really, really unbelievable.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
I'm not just a big-haired redhead country singer who dresses flamboyantly, has this wicked sense of humor and wears rhinestones. — Naomi Judd Copy Share Image
“Ramona V. Flowers: What kind of tea do you want? Scott Pilgrim: There´s more than one kind of tea?...What do you have?” — Bryan Lee O'Malley Copy Share Image
“We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Besides, when I look around me at the men, I feel that God never meant us women to be too particular.” — Marie Jenney Howe Copy Share Image
“I am so freaked our right now, you could pull a clown out of my ass and I wouldn't be at all… — John Green Copy Share Image
The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit. — William Temple Copy Share Image
“Army, Marriage, the Church and Banking: the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” — Carlos Ruiz Zafon Copy Share Image
Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in… — Jack Dee Copy Share Image
Comedy is essentially about watching a bunch of people who you really love lose their dignity. — Adrian Dunbar Copy Share Image
“Julie Czerneda's inner editor says, 'One day her expectations will meet reality and actually get along.” — Julie E. Czerneda Copy Share Image
