“Just for the record, I have come to fear all of your ideas in advance, simply from having endured enough of them.” — Violet Haberdasher Copy Share Image
Adulthood is just piles of bills and trying to convince your exes how amazing youre life is. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If Patti Lupone was born to play Evita then Madonna was born to play Patti Lupone playing Evita.” — Buck Bannister Copy Share Image
“It’s not our job to pick up another’s fears or even their strengths. Work on your own fears and strengths, that’s your… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“the main reason they don't use seeing eye cats is because you will end up with the cat, and the blind person,… — Haresh Daswani Copy Share Image
Vasan Bala is one of the best and has his own style of doing things. In his films, the humor is dark… — Harshvardhan Kapoor Copy Share Image
Cultivate a sense of humour. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good. — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
I can't wait to be married. It's going to be so great to find that one special person I want to annoy… — Ana Chable Copy Share Image
“Tibbie’s humor had often saved the day in the past, but this time it wasn’t going to work. Brianna was far too… — Ross Rosenfeld Copy Share Image
“or because he got eighteen years when he should have gotten more.' 'Seventeen,' Gus corrected. 'I'm assuming you've got some time, you… — John Green Copy Share Image
“It seems to be one of Nature’s laws that the most attractive girls should have the least attractive brothers. Fillmore Nicholas had… — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“The people are like an audience watching a drama. They have characters whose sides they chose even before the start of the… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
“I think preconceived ideas or prejudgments are meant to give us an edge whenever we are dealing with others we don’t know… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
My father said, "Okay, enough with the Jewish school." He put me into a public school and he said, "If you are… — Chantal Akerman Copy Share Image
“Then, there was a sudden, sharp pain in the bum and everything went dizzy, then dark. A poison peppermint dart had been… — Eric Arvin Copy Share Image
“Human beings are unable to be about the serious business of living and building societies if they feel compelled to always clown… — Na'im Akbar Copy Share Image
A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself. — Fred Allen Copy Share Image
When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
“You want a lesson, boy? If you find yourself being born, climb back in as quick as you can, because life's a… — Scott Lynch Copy Share Image
Knowing about comedy has helped me with the drama. To see people laugh, it's like there are moments of catharsis in the… — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
Gay marriage needs to be legalized, cause I would watch the shit out of some gay divorce court. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think that the anti-Microsoft sentiment is simply due to their having been so successful selling a lot of crap. — Steve Wozniak Copy Share Image
“When someone detonates a suicide bomb, that person does not have career prospects.” — P.J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Again? Honestly, do you guys think she’s hiding in Shakespeare’s Sonnets?” - Tina Lewis” — R.J. Morse Copy Share Image
Living in England, provincial England, must be like being married to a stupid but exquisitely beautiful wife. — Margaret Halsey Copy Share Image
“Our mind speaks by the lips, but, our Hearts speaks through our actions.” — Orosa Nakpil Malate Copy Share Image
“I ordered a single espresso because I wanted a drink I could hook up with.” — Randy Kagan Copy Share Image
English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
Got to have a sense of humor about things and not take ourselves too seriously. — Layla Kayleigh Copy Share Image
Writers of comedy have outlook, whereas writers of tragedy have, according to them, insight. — James Thurber Copy Share Image
“When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as… — Jonathan Swift Copy Share Image
I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from. — Jasper Carrott Copy Share Image
“Whenever, it comes for a boy to buy for a boy, he does not have money, and when it comes for a… — Piyush Naik Copy Share Image
“Marx Marvelous is going to break the genius machine when he grows up. That's what everyone said. He hasn't, of course.” — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
“You should always wear rubber gloves, if you're jump starting a car, while taking a shower.” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
A 'naughty pickle' is how I'd best describe myself. I think fun and laughter is the whole point of life. — Celia Imrie Copy Share Image
“Never second guess yourself. Or do, maybe. Whatever you feel good about.” — Dan Florence Copy Share Image
“Not that I did, bang her that is. I’m not saying I wouldn’t, how could I ever be sure about something like… — Poppet Copy Share Image
“The most diplomatic statement you can use for the person you hate: "If I would have water, and you would be on… — Tuba Javed Copy Share Image
“Jesse reached into a bottom drawer and brought out a bottle of... oh, hey, single-malt scotch. Some SOFs did know how to… — Robin McKinley Copy Share Image
