Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds… — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
“He couldn't concentrate on anything while her incredible bottom led him up those stairs like the Pied Piper of tempting asses.” — Nina Bangs Copy Share Image
“The ring was there to say they were a team, a reminder that they were in this together, almost like a private… — K.A. Mitchell Copy Share Image
“If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.” — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
“Life is too short to give a fuck. Jump in the pool butt ass naked and do it up.” — Clover Donovan Copy Share Image
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. — Brian Kiley Copy Share Image
“You don't find a masked man wielding a gun interesting? Tell me...what do you find interesting then-Matt Carter” — Natasha Larry Copy Share Image
Those years on the golf course as a caddie, boy, those people were something. They were vulgar, some were alcoholics, racist, they… — Martin Sheen Copy Share Image
“Miranda was nineteen. Her experience with men consisted of Winston and himself. Both of whom had heretofore been brotherly figures. The poor… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
“Wait. . are they really going to—” “Head butt each other until one passes out or dies of blood on the brain?… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“In his time the Pirate Captain had made a number of dramatic entrances of his own – not always intentional it had… — Gideon Defoe Copy Share Image
Whether I'm writing a novel about a guy mourning the death of his father or whether I'm writing a show about people… — Jonathan Tropper Copy Share Image
“It's hard to imagine talking to Lucy. But I can imagine sleeping with her. I have been imagining it quite regularly. I… — Blake Nelson Copy Share Image
“I turned on Fox News and jumped when I saw that they had one of those things in their studio. "Are you… — Ian McClellan Copy Share Image
“Uh… not sure buying the entire store for that boy is good, Chace. If he’s living on the street, the rest of… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
“Were it that intelligence, skill, or quality were prime determinants of success, I might have an easier time of it.” — Forest F. White Copy Share Image
I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality — Amber Tamblyn Copy Share Image
I have wanted to expand not only my comedy but also build a world with the many talented comedians I know. — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“All of us are in the manufacturing industry - manufacturing either our own happiness or unhappiness.” — Ogwo David Emenike Copy Share Image
“It’s going to be okay, Eric," Urte said, helping me sit up. I shook my head. "Lying is my forte, Urte, not… — Shannon A. Thompson Copy Share Image
“When you look back on this moment months from now, don't forget the one word I'm about to say to you, Claire… — Georgia Cates Copy Share Image
I love Andre 3000 from OutKast. I think we'd complement each other, but I'm hoping he's got a good sense of humour. — Paloma Faith Copy Share Image
You must be a special kind of stupid to think acting like a jerk is attractive to girls. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Inigo Montoya: He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using. — William Goldman Copy Share Image
“Some people believe in imaginary friends. I believe in imaginary numbers.” — R.M. ArceJaeger Copy Share Image
A sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the unbearable. — Moshe Waldoks Copy Share Image
“She spoke to the bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. "If there's anyone I wish to stun at dinner, I'll… — Kristin Cashore Copy Share Image
The three phrases that'll get you through life: 1: Cover for me. 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! 3: It was like that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I like visiting people in prison. I can say whatever I want to them, and they can’t do anything about it.” — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
Just because I have a sense of humor and use bright colors, people always say it's 'camp.' I'm just doing my thing.… — Hunx Copy Share Image
“Unless you're under 12 or into role playing, you shouldn't be wearing Mickey Mouse ears #AHOLE” — Andy Ostrom Copy Share Image
“When all else fails...try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work...have another.” — Timothy Pina Copy Share Image
“To Kalist, Baumauer’s just a timber bridge in need of a good hot fire.” — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
I was seized by the stern hand of Compulsion, that dark, unreasonable Urge that impels women to clean house in the middle… — James Thurber Copy Share Image
“Do not ever give up trying - because eventually you will win." Judge Greg Mathis” — Greg Mathis Copy Share Image
If you see our films like 'Coolie No 1,' 'Hero No 1' and 'Biwi No 1,' there is a very good story… — Jackky Bhagnani Copy Share Image
“Women divided by ego and united by gossip , Men divided by women and united by beer” — Yash Gupta Copy Share Image
