Humor Quotes · Page 450

“... were trying to tell the dumb blonde to close her mouth, but the woman clearly took her hair color very seriously.”

— Sharon Green

Men love it. They have a sense of humor, whereas a lot of women are threatened or just don't get it.

— Lara Flynn Boyle

“How much do you know about the Ten Commandments?" "Well, I know there's ten of them." ----- Daniel and Lucas”

— K. L. Burrell

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

— Jeff Foxworthy

I always felt that my way into comedy would be through my writing rather than my acting.

— Simon Bird

“There's a fine line between stuff, and if you stare at it long enough it'll drive you insane or to genius”

— Josh Stern

Everyone knows how people who laugh easily create us by their laughter,--making us think of funnier and funnier things.

— Brenda Ueland

Laughter kills fear, and without fear there can be no faith. For without fear of the devil there is no need for…

— Sean Connery

“There are some people that see the half full cup and get upset about where the other half of the cup went...…

— Daniel Prokop

You don't service a big, fun premise comedy and then shoot yourself in the foot with too much irony. You need the…

— Shawn Levy

I always feel that comedy, at its best, tackles issues that are controversial, polarizing, volatile, and sheds light onto those issues and…

— Randall Park

“Gryffindor is the courageous one right? I mean, I’m here because I have the balls to tell adults when they’re douche bags,…

— Trish Cook, Brendan Halpin

“I picked up a transsexual hooker named Thor, all six feet of her, at the off ramp to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, as…

— J.A. Konrath

The image of a person completely covered in cotton candy made me laugh the most. I'm not sure why. To me, being…

— Misha Collins

Sometimes I become the comedy jukebox. I read the emails, people give me requests.The shows are just amazing; they're packed with people…

— Pablo Francisco

“Her name...was Mrs. marina Orlova, and she had grown up in Siberia. Later, she would tell him that she loathed the American…

— Dan Chaon

Of course, my whole theory of comedy is based in reality. The funniest stuff comes from real life.

— Philip Rosenthal

“Twenty to life, she got, with time off for good behavior. You come around next spring. I'll introduce you.”

— Alfred Hitchcock

'War on Everyone,' I think... the script was hilarious to me, but it's very dark, dark humor. It's super dark.

— Michael Pena

“Youre a public menace.You shouldnt be allowed out on your own."said Simon. "Jealousy is such an ugly emotion,Lewis."said Jace.”

— Cassandra Clare

The more cerebral, slightly darker comedy stuff is where I love to live.

— Reid Scott

“I know they say that a stiff dick has no conscience, but I tell you now that some cunts have teeth...”

— Stephen King

I like a certain style of show, I like a certain pace, I like a rhythm, I like a lot of comedy…

— Amy Sherman-Palladino

It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.

— Jerry Coleman

“There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden’s brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload.”

— Courtney Kirchoff

“The whiter the bread, the quicker you're dead. Stick with barley and spelt.”

— Ken O'Neill

“I should think a dead language would be rather boring, socially speaking.”

— Sol Luckman

Masturbating is a form of stress relief...so go fuck yourself and calm down..

— Anonymous

Much of the best humor is found in the frequently tragic reality of human experience.

— Steve Allen

“If wishes were horses, paupers would ride. If the queen had balls, she'd be king. If I didn't have to WORK, I'd…

— Suki Michelle

Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

— Woody Allen

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty

— Dylan Moran

I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.

— Mitch Hedberg

When Jesus told us to love one another, He never said we had to like it.

— John Alejandro King

It's tough to do comedy. After 'Mister', my inhibitions with respect to comedy have come down.

— Varun Tej

Women, as some witty Frenchman once put it, inspire us with the desire to do masterpieces and always prevent us from carrying…

— Oscar Wilde

As an actor, you don't become Meryl Streep by doing the same type of comedy. You get there by being challenged.

— Octavia Spencer

Given a little time for the pain to subside, dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories.

— Steve Allen

And I think comedy obviously a great way to get a message out because you know the reason why things are funny…

— Laurie David

You've got to embrace whatever is given and make the most of every opportunity to make it funny or to make it…

— William Regal