“Well, anyway Rita, I have to run, some, uh, Bechdel tests on your jacket.” — Hiroshi Sakurazaka Copy Share Image
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“baloney is flattery so thick it cannot be true; blarney is flatter so thin we like it.” — Monsignor Fulton J. Sheen Copy Share Image
“Hypocrisy /hi pakrise/ noun 1. The moment you tell someone it is not important to be right, in order to look right… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing. — Allen Klein Copy Share Image
I'm a Christian-libertarian-environmentalist-capitalist-lunatic. It's a humorous way for me to describe that I'm not stereotypical. — Joel Salatin Copy Share Image
“Cyclones cannot see you if you don't move" "That's dinosaurs you crazy fruit bat!” — G. Norman Lippert Copy Share Image
I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
“When I swung the door open, Nathan looked me up and down. “Uh, hi.” He awkwardly looked at my outfit and then… — Elicia Hyder Copy Share Image
“I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my… — Susan Ee Copy Share Image
“gratitude noun \ˈgra-tə-ˌtüd, -ˌtyüd\ 1. The word thrown in your face by people who covet what you want and believe that your… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“Snowball?" It's white." Meow." It's so girly." This from a guy who named his poodle Princess." his laughter died. "How do you… — Rachel Gibson Copy Share Image
“Gilan,” she said, “you’re looking well.” And apart from those wrinkles, he was. He smiled at her. “And you grow more beautiful… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
“Nah, Mike’s gonna stop by. He had to work late and he works with this really cute chick and I just know… — J.M. Colail Copy Share Image
“Maybe she's got a Facebook page, like every other kid in America. We could put something on her wall." Her eyes lit… — Angela Knight Copy Share Image
“EVERY PROFESSION HAS ITS PITFALLS. Doctors, for example, are always being asked for free medical advice, lawyers are asked for legal information,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor is a good way in general to get people together, I think. Of course, Danish humor is more ironic and sarcastic… — Henrik Vibskov Copy Share Image
“Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.” — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“Fingerprints are like values--you leave them all over everything you do” — Elvis Presley Copy Share Image
It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
“You know when you’re by yourself you can say the most outrageous things. No one is listening.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“If I could cook I wouldn’t have to study my ass off at school and I would have tried to find a… — Carolina Soto Copy Share Image
What's funny isn't really me. What I do is point out what I find funny in others. — Michael Pena Copy Share Image
“My mom was a phlebotomist who drove all over creation drawing people’s blood. Sort of a transient medical vampire.” — Chris Cannon Copy Share Image
“In ten years, you'll be on a stamp / where anyone at all can lick you.” — Margaret Atwood Copy Share Image
I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror." — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I really enjoy laughing at work, and I find that it's easier to do that when you're shooting a comedy. — Natalie Zea Copy Share Image
The humor is that finally when you have the power to move the mountain, you are the person who placed it there-so… — Ram Dass Copy Share Image
“The irony of rule followers is they often quote a lot of people that do not follow as many rules as they… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“My books are my staple diet. As serious as insulin doses for those who are diabetics!” — Hlovate Copy Share Image
The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net. — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
Comedy is really best when watched with other people, and I don't really understand people who sit at home watching comedy movies… — Scott Aukerman Copy Share Image
Today, Japan is one of the few countries in the world where one hears laughter everywhere. — David Douglas Duncan Copy Share Image
“To be depressed or neurotic is passive. It has happened to all of us; we are it's victim and we have no… — William Glasser M.D Copy Share Image
“As with everything else in my life, I decided that if we were all going to get through this in one piece,… — John E. Douglas Copy Share Image
“When traveling the slippery road of life remember it takes longer to get up than it does to fall down.” — Herbert Dry Copy Share Image
In television, and especially in a situation comedy, you kind of play yourself, or at least the essence of yourself. — Shelley Long Copy Share Image
“In a perfect world I would be taller, you would be alive, and chickens could cross the road without being the subject… — Suzanne Wright Copy Share Image
