Humor Quotes · Page 400

My capacity for humour may have come largely from my father - he liked to entertain people, make people laugh.

— Morris Gleitzman

I'm the leader, not a follower. Unless it's a dark place then fuck that shit, you're going first.

— Anonymous

Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.

— Lynne Truss

“Quite possibly the only infinite power in the universe may be the human capacity for self-deception.”

— Michel Templet

If we are suppose to forget about the past, why do we have to take history class anyway?

— Anonymous

When you get on a comedy show, people assume you're a comedian. I'd say I'm more of a comedy nerd.

— Ty Burrell

“suddenly I’m that chick from Fatal Attraction. Next thing you know, I’ll be boiling rabbits.”

— Darynda Jones

“If you have an ancestor who is a Benedictine monk, we would rather not know it.”

— Gregory Maguire

“He had been inspired to start a career in the porn industry after reading the incredible tale of a Japanese man who…

— Mark Jackman

“The simple act of sitting here sipping this cappuccino is its own testament to my commitment to living the writer’s life. Which…

— Sol Luckman

“You ever had a hickey? I want to give you a hickey." "Karl, we're not fourteen!" "Don't bloody care. I was in…

— Dianna Hardy

I've always been very open about it. I've been very open about my addiction, about my panic disorder. But I think that…

— Jay Mohr

“Hans: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, I believe that wholeheartedly. Billy: No it doesn't. There'll be one…

— Seven Psychopaths

'Plum's are probably the funniest, but all the books have their own degree of humor. But if you're hooked into 'Ranger,' you're…

— Janet Evanovich

“She is crazy. Head to head with an ogre. Loony Lolli, Sketchy Dave, Crazy Val. You're all a bunch of freaks." Val…

— Holly Black

Wit and Humor - if any difference, it is in duration - lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is…

— Mark Twain

Comedy is one of my favorites, but I also want to get into drama and sci-fi.

— Marsai Martin

“Student: why do dumb people ignore wise people. Teacher: Because, the dumb people believe they are the wise people.”

— Jayce O'Neal

“‘Yes, but humans are more important than animals,’ said Brutha. ‘This is a point of view often expressed by humans,’ said Om.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Life Is Too Short--So Kiss Slowly, Laugh Insanely, Love Truly, And Live With Passion.”

— Andy Vogt

Even when I go do comedy stuff live, I can still feel the drummer in me about to go onstage.

— Fred Armisen

Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow.

— Family Guy

“Please take note that any and all dragon petting will be at your own peril. We are not liable for any injuries…

— Love The Stacks Bookstore

“Blew it up his nose. That woman should have cards printed: 'Dr. Evan Wilson, Imaginative Medicine a Specialty.”

— Janet Kagan

I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr.

— Anonymous

“I want to employ tough people, people who know what they want and how to get it. Virgins must have a pretty…

— Jonas Eriksson

I want to take up anything that excites me. It can be a drama, action or a comedy.

— Prateik Babbar

“Writing is like making love, editing is like giving your great grandfather a sponge bath.”

— Midnight Taylor

Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink and wear as good as they used to be.

— Anonymous

Never to do anything w/c I should be afraid to do if, it were the last hour of my life.

— Anonymous

It's not that comedy has changed in terms of what's funny. For me, it's changed in that sometimes I don't feel my…

— Bobby Lee

They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

— Steven Wright

“The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.”

— Woody Allen

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

— Tim Vine

I wasn't shy, but I was really hyper. Nobody got my sense of humor. I was a black skater kid.

— Tyler, The Creator

We want to ascribe a kind of tragic grimness to people, but people are funny.

— Luis Alberto Urrea

“he was one of those diplomats who like and know how to work, and, despite his laziness, he occasionally spent nights at…

— Leo Tolstoy

I think humor and protest can be subtle, instead of loud and going to the level of violence.

— Kiku Sharda

Being Jewish in West L.A., my religion was watching comedy. That felt like God to me.

— Molly Gordon

Human humour often consists of pretending to wish something does not really wish.

— Katherine Applegate