“I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that’s what they do when I’m not around.” — Alex Owens Copy Share Image
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Comedy is not about appearance; it's about rockin' a mike. Are they laughing? That's the only test. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
That's always a funny thing, when people think they're known for every little thing they ever did, and they're really not. — Fred Willard Copy Share Image
“In my opinion, neither way is easy. If I'm going to struggle between artist and a normal 9 to 5 job. I… — Erin McMillan Copy Share Image
Give a man a fish he eats for a day. Teach him to fish he eats for a life time. Take him… — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
I dont want to sound facetious, but humour is the key to the soul. You know what I mean? — Martin Lawrence Copy Share Image
Girls work on their looks but not on their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“He curled his claw into a fist. "I'd like to shove a stake up that bastard's ass." Adam's lip curled. "Remind me… — Jaye Wells Copy Share Image
“No, no, no! I am not giving birth backstage at a rock concert. I need to be in a hospital, pumped full… — S.C. Stephens Copy Share Image
“Whiskey grunted. By his count, he and Patrick had six days to go before he hauled the kid out by his ear… — Amy Lane Copy Share Image
“Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. and Mrs. Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son,… — Joseph Heller Copy Share Image
Unfortunately for a multitude of occultists, humor is a rare ingredient in their lives. In fact it is their very lack of… — Anton Szandor LaVey Copy Share Image
“I've got a Don Baylor," J.T. said. "California sucks this year." Ralph snickered. "I wouldn't use a Baylor card to scrape dog… — Jodi Picoult Copy Share Image
“Those men want to take Laurence from me, and put him in prison, and execute him, and I will not let them,… — Naomi Novik Copy Share Image
Picking on people is not my sort of humour, but I think there's quite a lot of it around. We're slowly turning… — Vic Reeves Copy Share Image
“To Beverly Reingold, again and always, and this time to Abby Sider, too” — Claudia Mills Copy Share Image
“My room is not a mess, it is an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.” — Ender's Game Copy Share Image
“Hope is nice. Fucking useless in this situation, but still nice. You have one sentence before you start bleeding. Make it good.” — Lauren Stewart Copy Share Image
What turned me on to comedy was - well, first of all, I like being able to laugh, I like people who… — Nathan Fillion Copy Share Image
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
“Pushy bottom--that's a bit of a stereotype." "A Dom who isn't pushing--that's a bit of an oxymoron," Stunt challenged him.” — Lyn Gala Copy Share Image
“Thought for the day: Twitter...140 character limit...must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers...” — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
Because I do mostly comedy, I'm usually working with friends, and it's usually a ball. — Michaela Watkins Copy Share Image
“A man who looks like Frodo just spent $150 on erotica books and asked for my phone number. I considered giving him… — Syrie James Copy Share Image
Our sense of humor is a gift from God which should be controlled as well as cultivated. — J. Oswald Sanders Copy Share Image
Don't waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny. — David Cross Copy Share Image
Comedy always pushes some buttons, because it wouldn't be comedy if it didn't. — Beth Behrs Copy Share Image
“She wasn't actually chewing gum, but her demeanor was very much that of a gum chewer.” — Gail Honeyman Copy Share Image
“Judge not, lest ye be punched in the face for being a self-righteous prick.” — Jim C. Hines Copy Share Image
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you for making me beat your ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“One becomes sated with platitudes no less than honey, so that one often breaks another's bones in one's vexation.” — Jack Vance Copy Share Image
“Compromise is low class. I don't have anything against the poor, but being low class is the root of all evil” — Novala Takemoto Copy Share Image
Well I sure had been looking for a comedy for years without any success. — Val Kilmer Copy Share Image
“To succeed in life, you need three things: A Wishbone, A Back Bone, and a Funny Bone.” — Reba McEntire Copy Share Image
“No. No more surprises. No more secrets. Or so help me, I will rip off your own leg and beat you with… — Lia Habel Copy Share Image
The Muslims in the Cape are associated with having a very good sense of humor. — Riaad Moosa Copy Share Image
