Humor Quotes · Page 398

I had always wanted to do comedy, but didn't know where to start - all I knew was that Edinburgh was where…

— Lolly Adefope

“Archer is it hot anymore," I'd fired back. "He tried to kill me, and his girlfriend is Satan.”

— Rachel Hawkins

If you want to laugh, see a comedy. If you want to cry, see a drama, and if you want suspense, see…

— Charlie Murphy

“We, humans, have come up with so many superficialities that are completely unnecessary for our existence and happiness on earth.”

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando

I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."

— Mitch Hedberg

Well, first of all, I love Ilana Glazer. As a friend and as a comedian, I love her brand of humor. I…

— Michelle Buteau

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!

— Bill Bailey

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

— Rodney Dangerfield

“Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, "That'd better be your gun." "Why yes, I always pack my gun where…

— Patrice Michelle

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you…

— S. J. Perelman

“Tunnel vision is caused by an optic fungus that multiplies when the brain is less energetic than the ego. It is complicated…

— Tom Robbins

“I’ll do anything to be good for you, Tate.” “Anything, baby,” I promised. “Anything?” she laughed out, her eyes bright with happiness…

— Penelope Douglas

“Snarling an oath from an Icelandic saga, I reclaimed my place at the head of the queue. "Oy!" yelled a punk rocker,…

— David Mitchell

“She had a sense of comedy that was really exquisite, but she needed people, always people, to bring it out, with the…

— Virginia Woolf

He was through playing games. When it came to Soteria, he had no sense of humor whatsoever. Anyone who threatened her, ended…

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

The essence of comedy, drama, and horror is surprise. I have an uncanny ability to surprise people because they look at my…

— John Lithgow

The last thing I want to do is use my comedy as a partisan tool or as a method for preaching.

— Armando Iannucci

“Then I turned, and lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and beheld a flying roll.”

— Zechariah 5:1

I'd love to do a comedy - something where a character has to use humor to navigate the absurdities of life.

— Debra Granik

“Human beings were invented by water as a device for transporting itself from one place to another.”

— Tom Robbins

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.

— Jim Norton

I think that sense of humor is important in marriage. A sense of humor gets people through marriage.

— Kyle Chandler

I think if you come from a history of persecution you have to develop a sense of humour.

— Sacha Baron Cohen

“Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down”

— Josh Stern

I think that you learn not to have any hopes that are too big when you're in comedy. You're just keeping your…

— Sarah Sherman

'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of…

— John Dryden

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

— Rodney Dangerfield

“Women never bought Freud's idea of penis envy: who would want a shotgun when you can have an automatic?”

— Natalie Angier

“It's good to plan, but don't let the planning take the place of doing.”

— Karen McQuestion

If you get too well-known in comedy, I do believe it blocks people from taking you in drama.

— Eddie Izzard

I think if you have someone without a sense of humor, you're less likely to be together.

— Ed Sheeran

“I take humor very seriously. I also take it three times a day, with meals.”

— Jarod Kintz

“That shower thing was hilarious," he said when I finished. "It was irresponsible! Why can't anyone see that?" "But that bitch had…

— Richelle Mead

“When you smell a flower, where is the smell before you smell the flower? Think about that one.”

— Art Hochberg

Well, darkness with humor... I'm not an extremely suicidal or sad person.

— Peter Steele

“The minute you stop caring about your business, is the same minute your business stops caring about you.”

— Steven Ivy - Attorney Entrepreneur

Look, I don't have the millions of dollars that Exxon has. But I've got comedy. I've got satire. I've got stars.

— Laurie David

I knew it might put him in an awkward position that we had a discussion before finality has finally happened in this…

— George W. Bush

Guys usually like my sense of humor, and I am pretty down to earth. And I'm a driven person.

— Kreayshawn

I love football fans. I love the humour, the passion and their perseverance.

— Simon Jordan