“The melon of Castile is for self abuse. The melon of Valencia for eating.” — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
My brand of humor is trying to play the situation as real as possible because I'm not the type of guy who… — Dave Franco Copy Share Image
The whole [Scotch] nation hitherto has been void of wit and humour, and even incapable of relishing it. — Horace Walpole Copy Share Image
“It’s hard to trust our own decisions, but we have no options. We have to do that in order to be all… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“Nick felt a tear rise to his eye at the thought of the child's utter innocence of hangovers.” — Alan Hollinghurst Copy Share Image
“All Bach's last movements are like the running of a sewing machine. (on Bach)” — Arnold Bax Copy Share Image
The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“If I wanted to consume something that looks and tastes like dirt, I’d eat dirt,” I said, “at least dirt isn’t overpriced."… — Garrison Kelly Copy Share Image
A book without potty humor is like a banana split without hot fudge. It can still be good, I suppose, but you… — Dav Pilkey Copy Share Image
“When the nurse leaves, Doctor Rose mouths, “Act like you’re in pain.” Then she mimics a painful expression in case Summer doesn’t… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“Bluebell: Please, sir, I'm only a little [car] and I've left all my petrol on the grass. So if you don't mind… — Richard Adams Copy Share Image
“You remember that illuminated text over the dining-room door--"The Lord Will Provide." We've painted it out, and covered the spot with rabbits.… — Jean Webster Copy Share Image
“According to NYPD figures, a contract killing could be had in Brooklyn for a mere $500. More often than not, though, people… — Bill Fitzhugh Copy Share Image
“Her descriptions will be incandescent, perfect little nuggets of phraseology, and there will probably be lots of sex in her writing -… — Susan Breen Copy Share Image
“For Pete's sake, Quinn, you should have seen him when I was pregnant. He practically set a peacock on fire for daring… — Alyssa Day Copy Share Image
“He took me in skeptically. "Darling, the ensemble is fabulous," he said, patting my hand, eyeing my black jacket, black tie, black… — Patti Smith Copy Share Image
Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening. — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Honestly, my biggest education regarding improv comedy actually came on the job working for 'My Boys.' — Reid Scott Copy Share Image
“Nobody imitate of someone, maybe there's such a problem of everyone, and they also try to find a solution and it called… — Manroop suthar Copy Share Image
I mean comedy is something that's very personal and people have strong opinions about. — Matt Lucas Copy Share Image
“You are fifty different kinds of twisted." "Only fifty? Val, you wound me.” — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of… — William Howard Taft Copy Share Image
Humour in its highest reach mingles with pathos: it voices sorrow for our human lot and reconciliation with it. — Stephen Leacock Copy Share Image
“Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.” — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Pissing out the window, and sh*tting out the window, are two different things!” — Tourettes Guy Copy Share Image
Nothing seems too high or low for the humorist; he is above honor, above faith, preserving sense in religion and sanity in… — Sean O'Casey Copy Share Image
I've never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don't like eating fish and I know that's very popular out… — Britney Spears Copy Share Image
Went to Wendy's, ordered a Baconater... they forget the bacon... how the hell do you do that!? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“In a deep sexy voice, she said Windows don't turn me on. I raised an eyebrow at her, Mac user?” — Diane Mott Davidson Copy Share Image
I hate comics who look at comedy as therapy. But at least it gets things out of my system in a funny… — Lisa Lampanelli Copy Share Image
“I caught my reflection in the tall mirror. I looked like one of Henry VIII’s wives who’d been told she’d soon be… — Andrea Cremer Copy Share Image
“You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about.” — Nicki Elson Copy Share Image
I watch drama. I don't watch a lot of comedy. Watching comedy is like work. — Marta Kauffman Copy Share Image
Ask anyone the best part of the classic comedy, 'My Cousin Vinny,' and they'll likely say Mona Lisa Vito. — Mary Katharine Ham Copy Share Image
And we need a full affront on an energy crisis that is real in California and looms for other parts of our… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“I wonder briefly whether a schizophrenic Buddhist would be At Two with the universe.” — John Dolan Copy Share Image
“Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Je ne give a damn pas about le français, Les filles en France ne wear pas les pantelons” — John Knowles Copy Share Image
“You've been watching to much Pretty Woman, and I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm the hooker in this arrangement.” — A.J. Rose Copy Share Image
![“The whole [Scotch] nation hitherto has been void of wit and humour, and even incapable of relishing it.” quote by Horace Walpole](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88c/horace-walpole-3357_comedy_the-whole-scotch-nation-hitherto-has-bee_841477.jpg)
![“Bluebell: Please, sir, I'm only a little [car] and I've left all my petrol on the grass. So if you don't mind eating the grass, sir, while I give this lady a ride- Hazel: Bluebell, shut up!” quote by Richard Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fd/richard-adams-4326_humor_bluebell-please-sir-i-m-only-a-little-ca_1721712.jpg)
