Humor Quotes · Page 380

Britain's a funny place and there's a lot of funny people coming out of there and a lot of people are finding…

— Brendan Coyle

“Trying to fall out of love is like trying to climb a mountain. Blindfolded, on crutches, naked in a hail storm.”

— Louise Caiola

“Happiness is seeing Bear Bluff in your rearview mirror, but you better look damn quick.”

— James Patterson

“Thought of blowing your brains out?" William blinked, startled. "No." "That's good. Anything else is bound to be an improvement, isn't it?”

— Diana Gabaldon

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

— Woody Allen

I love physical comedy. Comedy that comes from an emotional place is amazing too and lets me develop in a new way…

— Eden Sher

I’m glad you think so. I’ve always considered my sense of humor to be largely underappreciated, so it’s nice to finally meet…

— Rachel Vincent

“My profanity has a certain religious flavor that can only be learned through a lifetime of Catholic education.”

— Emma Chase

I grew up in a pretty strict household in the sense that we just didn't have cable, so I wasn't familiar with…

— Hasan Minhaj

“But there was another class of people, the real people. To this class they all belonged, and in it the great thing…

— Leo Tolstoy

Every podcast network has a different culture as far as I can tell. How they run things at Nerdist is totally different…

— Baron Vaughn

“Oh, you mean like Orpheo rescuing Euniphon from the Underworld?” said Roland. Rob Anybody just stared. “It’s a myth from Ephebe,” Roland…

— Terry Pratchett

“One of my professors once told me that the last official act of the British monarchy was when Queen Victoria refused to…

— Patricia Briggs

“Any man in the company of two woman is outnumbered four to one however amiable they may be. By definition." 'So when…

— Kingsley Amis

“Imagine what I could have done in ten years. I could have learned to speak Japanese. I could have played every RPG…

— Anonymous

“How was practice?" Shawna asked when Jet walked into the kitchen. "You must've worked hard again, you smell like a wet puppy."…

— Robin Alexander

The real heart of comedy is uncovering a truth about yourself or about the world that you didn't see.

— Ari Graynor

When people tell me that my films make them smile, I feel like I'm doing a social service by making these light-hearted…

— Priyadarshan

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

— Hussein Nishah

“Somewhere in a Galaxy so, far away there's a person with more Twitter followers than you.”

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away…

— Will Durst

“Not much more than a broke disgrace who's hooked on tonics, so excuse him if his poker face has puke on it.”

— Hannibal Lecture

People who start a sentence with personally ought to be thrown to the lions. It's a repulsive habit.

— Georgette Heyer

“Never in his life had he hit a girl, nor would he. But, right now, he wanted to kick that NSA cutie…

— Shane Scollins

John Connally's conversion to the GOP raised the intellectual level of both parties.

— Frank Mankiewicz

“He then departed, to make himself still more interesting, in the midst of an heavy rain.”

— Jane Austen

“To think that between a Hamburger and a Humburger, she would - invariably, with icy precision - plump for the former.”

— Vladimir Nabokov

I love the Russians for their verve, their melancholia, their vivacity, their unpredictability, and their humour.

— Miranda Otto

William Devane was amazing [ in The Grinder] - that we were able to reinvent an acting legend as a comedy star…

— Rob Lowe

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.

— Steven Wright

“Treat me like a king and I'll treat you like a queen…..Treat me like a queen and off with your head”

— Josh Stern

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

— Marc Maron

“It's not that I can't express myself, it's that I still feel present when I'm not expressing myself.”

— Kim Myungsoo

“Now, when any vicious simpleton excites my disgust by his paltry ribaldry…”

— Charlotte Brontë

“I like difficult old women, she said. I'm in training to be one myself.”

— Rosina Lippi

A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a witty person, but a pebble in the hands of a fool.

— Anonymous

If it's comedy, you taken an absurd comedic notion and you apply it to reality. If it's horror, if it's a thriller,…

— Jordan Peele

“An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.”

— H.L. Mencken

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

— Rita Rudner

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him…

— Ellen DeGeneres