Humor Quotes · Page 377

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like,…

— Sarah Silverman

Finding a song name: Type all the words you know in Google and hope for the best.

— Anonymous

“Hope had gone so white, it was a wonder someone didn't accuse her of being a Strigoi.”

— Richelle Mead

And who are the greater criminals-those who sell the instruments of death, or those who buy them and use them?

— Robert E. Sherwood

“The only thing wrong with Southern Baptists was they didn't hold them underwater long enough.”

— Kinky Friedman

“Christian is staring at us. He’s an only child and could never understand the delicate joys of sibling abuse.”

— Cynthia Hand

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

— Katt Williams

“There is nothing so capital as a cup of tea for settling the Disheveled Nerves of Fair Ladies.”

— Joan Bassington-French

“The one undeniable benefit of having spent some time in the closet is that it nurtures a talent that you can fall…

— Bob Smith

If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call…

— Dave Attell

Groundhog Day was pretty clean. It may have to do with some puritanical feeling that comedy is a forbidden pleasure in a…

— Harold Ramis

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or…

— Josh Billings

“FORGET you? How could I EVER forget you? Sure, I only remember the last nine minutes, but I know a BESTEST friend…

— Guy Bass

“Why it didn't occur to any of us that a well­-known suicide spot would be like Piccadilly Circus on New Year's Eve.…

— Nick Hornby

“Really! But weren't you fearfully tempted?' 'In the abstract but not in the concrete,' said Ursula. 'When it comes to the point,…

— D.H. Lawrence

A sense of humour keen enough to show a man his own absurdities as well as those of other people will keep…

— Samuel Butler

Stanley Kubrick went with his gut feeling: he directed 'Dr. Strangelove' as a black comedy. The film is routinely described as a…

— Tim Cahill

“I always think the best thing about high school is that it's so many years ago.”

— Kaye Morgan

You know what make me laugh? Good, clean, honest humor. Not-trying-to-be-funny humor.

— Redman

Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."

— Denis Leary

“Always fuck with people's expectations, sunshine. It's good for their circulation.”

— Tana French

“Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything ”

— Anonymous

Although there's an inherent light-heartedness to 'Sherlock,' I slightly err towards not doing the comedy.

— Martin Freeman

“Don't listen to writers. They're messed up - that's why they're writers!”

— Chocolate Waters

“I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming…

— Nicole McKay

I hope and assume that every good comedy writer, no matter the age, has a moment where they discover how great Cheers…

— Amy Poehler

“There are many things evil people can take from you. However, they can never steal your ability to laugh and laugh loud.”

— Shannon L. Alder

I think there's nothing better than a comedy that also is not afraid to have those heartfelt moments.

— Ben Falcone

“Accepting the rule that others want us to play is fine, as long as we’re fine with it.”

— Art Hochberg

'Irumbu Kottai...' is an action comedy. Even the villain, after beating up people, will keep laughing.

— Raghava Lawrence

Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.

— Lynne Truss

I'm the leader, not a follower. Unless it's a dark place then fuck that shit, you're going first.

— Anonymous

My capacity for humour may have come largely from my father - he liked to entertain people, make people laugh.

— Morris Gleitzman

A man wears the pants in a relationship but the woman tells the man which pair to put on.

— Anonymous

I really geek out with horror and like to delve into the subgenres, whether it's comedy or slasher or sci-fi.

— Lydia Hearst

I worked out that you could have an interplay of comedy and theatre and achieve more than the sum of its parts.

— Nick Mohammed

If we are suppose to forget about the past, why do we have to take history class anyway?

— Anonymous

“Quite possibly the only infinite power in the universe may be the human capacity for self-deception.”

— Michel Templet

When you get on a comedy show, people assume you're a comedian. I'd say I'm more of a comedy nerd.

— Ty Burrell

“suddenly I’m that chick from Fatal Attraction. Next thing you know, I’ll be boiling rabbits.”

— Darynda Jones