Humor Quotes · Page 311

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

— Steve Martin

I can cry at the drop of the pin. But comedy is hard for me; it's the timing.

— Moira Kelly

I don't tolerate stupidity well although I am more than capable of it myself. Wait, what?

— Rock Cowles

This global recession has had a detrimental effect on my sex life. It's ages since I've been able to afford it.

— Anonymous

The subconscious mind has no sense of humor and people often joke themselves into unhappy experiences.

— Florence Scovel Shinn

Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God.

— Don Rickles

“I swear to Go, if I see one of you girls anywhere near us, I'll have your prospective spouses whip you, fifties-style.”

— Amelie Fisher

Doing drama is, in a sense, easier. In doing comedy, if you don't get that laugh, there's something wrong.

— Betty White

I think people tune in to watch a football game because they want to watch a football game. If they wanted to…

— Dan Dierdorf

He used humor more effectively than any president since Abraham Lincoln. Reagan was not an especially warm person, but he appeared to…

— H. W. Brands

“Sir Eustace was with Royce and Stefan looking over some maps when he was informed by the guard that the ladies were…

— Judith McNaught

“All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, and when it comes to the…

— Marisha Pessl

“You're getting better, my lady." "Don't patronize me." "No, really, Your Highness. When you started painting five years ago, I could never…

— Brandon Sanderson

I've a belt that I have worn for every single stand-up comedy session since I was 19. I fear if I ever…

— Vir Das

“Your lifeline…oh, the burning stick. Right.” Leo resisted the urge to set his hand ablaze and yell: Bwah ha ha! The idea…

— Rick Riordan

You cannot study Pleasure in the moment of the nuptial embrace, nor repentance while repenting, nor analyze the nature of humour while…

— C. S. Lewis

Vellimoonga' has been a game-changer and I have handled comedy in almost all the films I did after that.

— Biju Menon

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.

— Bill Hicks

“You men deserve whatever rabbit-boiling scenario dating crazy women gets you.”

— Rachel Hollis

Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!

— Anonymous

“I pat her on the head. "Oh, naive little Kitten. Dear, foolish girl. This cookie is worth all this and more. Sit…

— Jenny Han

My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not.

— Anonymous

“Honey, that man would do anything to keep you. Lie, steal, cheat, kill, clean up after himself, and do laundry.”

— Alisa Sheckley

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto-correct is like 'I got nothing, man.'

— Hussein Nishah

People that want it to just be funny should not despair, because there is so much true crazy comedy coming up.

— Mary Steenburgen

My bed is a time machine. I lay down for 5 minutes and the next thing I know, its 5 hours later...

— Anonymous

There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it.

— George W. Bush

I can't believe in humorless women. I think there's humor even in everyday tragedy.

— Jean Marsh

I believe everything my psychiatrist tells me it saves me so much thinking on my own.

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.

— Bill Bailey

My father, Leo Henry Brown, really was talented - he could write. He had a gift, and he had a great, sly…

— Angie Dickinson

“When you exclude anything that is improbable, whatever is left, is not as hilarious.”

— Oleg Medvedkov

“My need to parent is so much bigger, sometimes, than my children’s need for parenting.”

— Margot Page

“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.”

— Bauvard

I think I gravitate towards people who express themselves in a simple and funny way.

— John Slattery

“Is a joke truly funny when we laugh at it, or is it merely some aberration of our frontal lobe?”

— Gerald Schroeder

“That's your mom, right?" Pathik smiled. "She looks nicer than she did when she was dragging you away the other night.”

— Teri Hall

I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.

— Demetri Martin

“Nothing closes doors as quickly as constant bad humor, reclamation, whining. Nobody wants to associate themselves with losers.”

— Bangambiki Habyarimana

When I was younger, I loved people like Beryl Reid and Irene Handl - really strong actresses who could also do comedy.

— Rebecca Front