“don’t swill my best cognac. You must savour each drop.” “Savour like you do a man".” — Astrid Cooper Copy Share Image
The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I'm not just saying it, in my opinion are… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
“If you're making love to a man of God, then God must endorse your lovemaking.” — Eileen Pollack Copy Share Image
I find any sort of acting that doesn't have any humor in it is mind-numbingly boring. — Andrew Scott Copy Share Image
I thought 'RV' stood for 'Recreational Vehicle.' No! It stands for 'Ruins Vacations.' — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
“Then he stalked off into the woods, leaving Talaith alone. Good. Now I can panic in peace.” — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“Campaigns and elections are the process in which democracy separates the willing from the able, and goes with the willing.” — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“What is it, you ask?" Kali said, trying to cover her surprise with nonchalant words. "I haven't thought of a name yet.… — Lindsay Buroker Copy Share Image
“I hold the biscuits in front of his face and he stands up. "What do I have to do?" he says. "Nothing,"… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
The line between humor and bad taste is your audience, in which some people will find everything offensive, and some people will… — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
“That dress…was a very, very good decision. I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone. You are… — Colleen Houck Copy Share Image
If someone tells me they've read my tweets since the early days, I feel like I know them; they know my highs… — Rachel Sennott Copy Share Image
“The television was on Florida Cable News. A gray-haired man behind the anchor desk reported near tragedy at a state motor vehicle… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try… — James Thurber Copy Share Image
“Detective Virgil and Barlow [bomb-technician] arranged to meet at the Starbucks. Virgil got a grande hot chocolate, no-fat milk, no foam, no… — John Sandford Copy Share Image
“Are you taking us to hell?" I ask, and Denise answers with an ominous, "More or less.” — Amy McAuley Copy Share Image
“Maybe love is something we’re meant to say casually and not regard as a prize from a treasure chest that a person… — Jen Glantz Copy Share Image
“The standard clauses of the American dream only included two weeks of vacation a year.” — Jeff Deck Copy Share Image
You have to have a serious streak in you, or you can't see the funny side of the other fellow. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
A lot of comedy films, there's the opinion, 'Well, if it's funny, put it in.' But I think you have to be… — Jay Chandrasekhar Copy Share Image
“I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit” — Ann Everett Copy Share Image
“I'll never be the size that has single digits and my thighs will always touch when I walk but I'm ok with… — Sugar Jamison Copy Share Image
“Martin: Yes, I'd like to go home and do some work. I'm writing a novel about women from the women's point of… — Caryl Churchill Copy Share Image
“If the Creator had said, "Let there be light" in Ankh-Morpork, he'd have got no further because of all the people saying… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
When I was a child there were many witches, and they bewitched both cattle and men, especially children. — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
I don't think that in humor and jokes, in whatever way they are done, there is any kind of disrespect. — Rajpal Yadav Copy Share Image
Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“All of the signs we invented growing up and we never invented one for 'he's standing right behind you'?” — Skye Callahan Copy Share Image
“Kindle - who needs it, jag har 3000, 35 000 böcker i huvudet eller i flyttkartongerna på vinden.” — Bodil Malmsten Copy Share Image
My favorite kind of film is serious comedy. Comedy with serious underpinning. — Alan Arkin Copy Share Image
If you have a funny costume, you can't really wear it when you get older. — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
“We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage.' I believe the technical term is 'being… — Takaya Natsuki Copy Share Image
God, is this all it is, the ricocheting down the corridor of laughter and tears? Of self-worship and self-loathing? Of glory and… — Sylvia Plath Copy Share Image
About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
Most comedy is not very ambitious. You probably can't name more than a handful of comedies that would qualify for Best Picture. — Harold Ramis Copy Share Image
My dad knows how to tell a story. He'd make me laugh by doing all the different voices. — Lily Collins Copy Share Image
“There's one good thing about being in the bomb disposal unit: No superior officer is ever looking over your shoulder.” — Robert Edsel Copy Share Image
![“Detective Virgil and Barlow [bomb-technician] arranged to meet at the Starbucks. Virgil got a grande hot chocolate, no-fat milk, no foam, no whipped cream, and Barlow got a venti latte with an extra shot. As they took a corner table, Virgil said, “Remind me not to stand next to you if you’re…” quote by John Sandford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b62/john-sandford-5843_coffee_detective-virgil-and-barlow-bomb-technic_3104354.jpg)
