I approach a comedy the same way I do a drama. I try to make it as real as possible. — Mark Wahlberg Copy Share Image
Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'm the youngest in my family, and everyone is very funny, and I was always trying to keep up with them. I… — Lisa Kudrow Copy Share Image
“On our second date, she kissed me in a bar. I invited her home. We just caught the F train, which seemed… — Alison Bechdel Copy Share Image
“I always said I acted like a twelve-year old, so I decided to write like a twelve-year old.” — Terri Bertha Copy Share Image
“Well, it's like this," began Mother, "When you die you go and live in another part of London. And that's it." ~… — Will Self Copy Share Image
“It's an attempted murder. It's a suicide, but you're attempting to make it seem like a murder.” — Ben H. Winters Copy Share Image
“A boyfriend should treat you like a girlfriend, not like a princess. Stop expecting so much from guys & maybe you won't… — 69rascal Copy Share Image
“He wouldn't just be facing her, he thought with genuine, back-sweating fear, but all of them. The four of them, with Mrs.… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
“I don’t think that God cares about what you think. It’s the actions that count. Actually He doesn’t care what you do… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“Abby wouldn't want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip… — Ottilie Weber Copy Share Image
I remember certain people in the audience laughing and I wanted to ask: 'What are you laughing at? This isn't funny.' Now… — Jim Dale Copy Share Image
I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
Well, I came down to LA initially to join The Groundlings, which is an improv comedy group. I didn't get in, of… — Ryan Reynolds Copy Share Image
A good cartoon is always good on two or three levels: surface physical comedy, some intellectual stuff - like Warner Brothers cartoons'… — Genndy Tartakovsky Copy Share Image
“The narrow-minded find it convenient to create stereotypes, and then try to fit everybody, everything and every situation into those stereotypes.” — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
“A lamb was a young animal which was legendary for sleeping well on the planet Earth.” — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
You're trying to inspire us...on TWITTER. I am sure I'm not the only one who finds this funny. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Your cold, inflexible heart makes me burn to be inside you.” “Charmer.” — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“Here comes a pair of very strange beast, which in all tongues are called "fools".” — Bill Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“If your arteries are good, eat more ice cream. If they are bad, drink more red wine. Proceed thusly.” — Sandra Byrd Copy Share Image
“Of course not,” Colby replied. “What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is, well . . . yours.” — Jody Morse Copy Share Image
“Nothing could make me pull away meat-market love goddess. My sexy little filet mignon” — John Corwin Copy Share Image
I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth?” — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of… — Michael Summers Copy Share Image
First of all, I find everything funny, which is upsetting to my children sometimes, and to people in my life, in general. — Jenji Kohan Copy Share Image
“Just do it! Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus ...” — Susan Longacre Copy Share Image
“I loved our mutual corny sense of humor. Underneath all his macho bravado, he was a dork. Just like me.” — Kate Rockland Copy Share Image
Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“I doubt if she’s ever used a broom in her life,” he said sarcastically. “Except to ride on, of course.” — Doreen Owens Malek Copy Share Image
“You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and… — Barney Stinson Copy Share Image
“He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us!” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
We're gonna add logs to this problem to manipulate it into giving us what we want...like an unhealthy relationship! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My humor came from seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked - just weird hippie stuff, twisted R-rated… — Shia LaBeouf Copy Share Image
“There are no coming attractions. It’s all here right now. The whole thing is being created right now.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“If you're reading this, I'm either a wolf for good, or you're Ulrik and you should get the hell out of my… — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Never open a can of worms unless you are prepared to consume the contents.” — Alphya Cing Copy Share Image
Comedies are doing well because I think people want to laugh and not think about everything for a little bit. — Jonah Hill Copy Share Image
